depression

Infertility Part 2

Infertility Part 2

If you are experiencing infertility currently, please know our hearts go out to you. There are many different emotions that will be experienced throughout an infertility process. Infertility can trigger depression and anxiety when you may have never experienced these emotions before. This can begin to affect your marriage in hurtful ways.

H.A.L.T.- Tired

This week, we are discussing the acronym HALT- Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.  As you've read, all of these can be triggers to both addictions, as well as a host of other struggles in life, such as depression, anxiety, and physical illness. 

H.A.L.T.- Lonely

H.A.L.T. is such a great acronym to use for recovery. We have been talking about recovery of addictions but we also use this for our clients who struggle with Depression and Anxiety. This is a MUST for their recovery: to not ever let themselves get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. 

H.A.L.T.- Hungry

H.A.L.T. stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. When people use this as a guide they are saying "I should never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired". If they do, they could be susceptible to relapsing and/or finding themselves in a situation that they may look back and regret later.

The difference between toxic and healthy secrets

So now you know what toxic and healthy secrets look like and how they impact your relationships... How do you know the difference between the two?  Here are some questions to ask yourself that might help you determine the difference: 1.  What is the intention?  If the intention is to restore or promote passion and intimacy (e.g., not telling a spouse about a surprise date or party on their behalf), chances are that it's a healthy secret.  If the intention is to try and keep someone from feeling "hurt" (e.g., keeping someone from feeling angry that you have done something hurtful), the chances are that it's toxic.

2.  Is the secret effecting the relationship?  For example, if you feel that your partners behavior or appearance (e.g., their physical appearance or weight, their emotional outbursts) are causing you difficulty with intimacy, sharing your feelings about this "secret" can have a positive impact on the relationship (even though it might be painful for your partner to hear this).  If certain issues aren't impacting intimacy or other aspects of the relationship, but you are sharing a lot of critical and judgemental things with your partner, it may not be necessary and only push them further away and cause them to feel inadequate.

3.  Does someone get hurt as a result of keeping the secret?  Secrets like physical, emotional, and sexual abuse can cause someone t0 get hurt as a result of keeping the secret, and are therefore toxic.  Even if it's someone you don't know, having the knowledge that someone is (0r has been) abusive and keeping it a secret can keep the abusive person protected, which allows the abuse to continue with others.  If you are keeping a secret about an addiction or an affair, it can cause feelings of betrayal in the relationship when the truth finally comes out (which it will!).  If no one will get hurt as a result of the secret, it most likely is a healthy secret.

4.  Do YOU get hurt as a result of keeping the secret?  Secrets such as spending money and acquiring debt, having an affair, withholding information about previous abuse or neglect, can cause so much shame over not allowing your partner to know who you really are and what you struggle with in your internal world.  This not only hurts the relationship, but hurts YOU.  It doesn't allow others to know who you really are.  If a secret is hurting you, it is most likely toxic.

These are just a few of the questions to ask when trying to determine whether a secret is toxic or healthy. Thank you for reading!

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.

Toxic Secrets

This week we are talking about secrets! Secrets come in many forms. There are healthy secrets, but also toxic ones. What is the difference? A toxic secret is one that will block you from intimacy and puts walls between you and your loved one. Support4change.com says, toxic secrets "hide a part of your heart, disguise your vulnerability which denies a gift to your loved one, or prevents your loved one from supporting you." Some will call them white lies, or lies of omission. People hold secrets to protect others, out of fear, they feel it could end a relationship, or because it's their job. As a therapist I hold many secrets. I can't count the number of times someone has said "I've never told anyone else that." Usually after a person reveals their secrets they experience a powerful sense of freedom. As the saying goes, "The truth will set you free." Toxic secrets can "haunt" you and cause emotional havoc. They can become poisonous and bleed dysfunction into your relationships and your moods.

Here are some examples of toxic secrets:

  • Abuse- Keeping the secret that someone is hurting you emotionally, verbally, sexually, or physically will make things worse for you and possibly for others. If you do not voice your pain, the perpetrator could inflict abuse to someone else down the road. Sharing this secret could save someone else's life- including your own. (**If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek professional help to consult on a safe way to disclose the abuse.)
  • Affairs- When you have an affair, it will block the relationship from being fulfilling. Even if it is scary to reveal this secret, many couples are able to heal and create a relationship they never thought possible if they do it right.
  • Addictions- When someone is struggling with an addiction, it will only thrive more when they keep it a secret. The first step to overcoming an addiction is not keeping it a secret anymore to yourself and others.
  • Legal issues-Keeping these a secret could be dangerous and cause pain for others around you. If you have a legal matter, not revealing it in a close relationship could cause someone to feel betrayed. You are lying to them by hiding part of yourself.
  • Health concerns- Keeping these fears inside will block you from being able to lean on a support system and your doctor. You may need help from others. If they don't know what is going on, they won't know what to do to help you.
  • Emotions- Hiding your emotions can result in internal turmoil for someone. Keeping your emotions a secret will cause you to carry your pain alone. Sharing your emotions will keep you real and open up doors to emotional intimacy in relationships.

We are not saying you need to share every detail of your life with everyone you meet. There are boundaries to keep in mind and you need to make sure you are revealing secrets to people you feel emotionally safe with. Remember toxic secrets have more power when they are kept. The more you keep them, they more alone you will feel.

Check in tomorrow as Tammy tells us about healthy secrets!

Guest post by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW

Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed virtual therapist at Renewed Horizon Counseling. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Renewed Horizon Counseling services Indiana & Florida.

Depression- How to cope

I hope this week has been helpful in recognizing the signs and symptoms of depression as well as how it effects relationships. Today we want to offer hope and give you some coping skills. There are several coping skills to help with depression but these are the ones we find to be most effective with our clients. 1. Talk to someone. It really does help to talk about how you are feeling. Sometimes it is just the release of emotions you feel when you talk that helps and sometimes it helps just to get some feedback from a loving friend. Either way, talking helps.

2. Support group- Even though you may want to isolate, finding some sort of social group to belong to will help with depression. It could be a mental health group or even a Bible study at church. Even a book club is better than sitting at home alone in your depression. We were all designed to have relationships and are social beings. So find a group to feel you belong.

3. Gratitude diary- It is easy when you are depressed to only see the negative. It is so important to remember the blessings we have in our lives. Write down 5 things every day you are thankful for.

4. Practice relaxation and meditation- Sometimes depression is triggered by stress.  Doing just 10 minutes of relaxation or meditation a day can help release positive chemicals in your body to help you feel better

5. Increase your activity. The more you isolate and stay home and hide, the worse your depression will become. It is important to force yourself to do something, even just going to the grocery or a quick stroll around the block. Try to get out everyday.

6. Good nutrition- I know, I know. No fun but feeding our body good food rather than junk will make us feel better. There really is something to the old saying, "What you put in you get out". This is true with food. If you fill yourself with junk you will feel like junk. Try to eat 3 balanced meals a day. Drink lots of water to flush your body of toxins.

7. I saved this for last because it is the MOST important and the coping skill most hated by our clients! EXERCISE! Did you know that 30 minutes of exercise actually has the same effect on your body as an antidepressant? Think back to a time you did exercise- Didn't it feel awesome when you finished? Those are endorphines being released in your body. It is so important.

There are so many more coping skills and ways to have good self care. Hopefully this will help give you an idea of what's needed to fight depression. In some cases, medication may be appropriate. We often encourage clients to try some other alternatives before rushing into medication. Medication has it's place but should be used if other avenues have been exhausted and as always, only under the supervision of a qualified physician.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, please get help. Imagine Hope has qualified Therapists who specialize in and deal with depression on a daily basis. Thank you for reading and we will look forward to chatting next week.

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC, LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

Depression- How it Affects Relationships

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, nearly 15 million American adults, or about 6.7% of the U.S. population age 18 and older, is affected with a major depression in a given year. If you or your loved one is experiencing depression, the chances that it will affect your relationship, friendships & family relationships are very high. How can depression affect relationships or marriages? First of all, depression makes a person want to isolate. The desire to hang around others, including close friends and relatives dwindles. Depression makes a person feel exhausted, and even if one can't sleep well, all you feel like doing is laying around the house, or laying in the bed. When in a relationship, unless the non-depressed person is willing to lay around too, the feelings of wanting to isolate and wanting to lay around are slowly going to create distance between the relationship. At first the non-depressed person is going to try to draw the depressed person out of their shell and suggest things to do (after all, they were attracted to each other b/c of common interests). However, after they get turned down enough times, they will quit asking and will either go without the depressed person (creating distance), or will stay at home themselves. If they choose to stay at home, this can lead to resentment and anger on their part (creating emotional distance).

If the depressed person is a parent, it will be hard for them to do their parenting responsibilities. They may find themselves doing the bare necessities, and then "checking out" for the rest of the evening. A depressed person's children may go to them for nurturing or emotional support, only to find their parent unable to provide those needs for them. The child is then left wondering what is wrong with mommy or daddy. The non-depressed parent may find themselves feeling more overwhelmed as they slowly see themselves becoming a single-parent in a 2-parent household.

Depression can make a person seems/come across as if they "don't care about anything"... including their relationships, jobs, children, responsibilities, etc. This couldn't be further from the truth! However, when a non-depressed encounters this perceived attitude, they get confused and sometimes arguments start. At the same time, depression can manifest itself in physical symptoms. It can create migraines, backaches, gastro-intestinal problems, unexplained pain, high-blood pressure, and many other health issues. This can render a person sick for days, weeks or years, depending upon how long their depressive episode goes untreated. These physical problems can limit a person's ability to be active, not be able to do things they once enjoyed, or even be so severe that a person is rendered disabled and face job loss.

Depression can also affect a person sex drive. I think it goes without saying how this can affect relationships! Being unable to be sexually intimate in a relationship can have serious implications. Oftentimes it manifests itself in the form of not having any desire to initiate sex, or an inability to enjoy sex.  The non-depressed person may have a hard time understanding how the depression is affecting the sex drive, and may take it personally, thinking their spouse finds them unattractive or undesirable.

In tying all of this together, what this can ultimately lead to for a marriage/relationship is an affair. As you can see, distance gets created slowly and slowly over time. When discord is present in a relationship, the risk for infidelity increases tenfold. If you notice any of these in yourself or in a loved one, please get help.

Tomorrow, we will discuss how to cope with depression.

Written by: Tamara Portee MA, LMHC, LCAC

*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.

Depression: Understanding Its Path Through Womanhood

Teenagers: Stressors that trigger Depression: 1. Puberty 2. Self-Esteem 3. Relationships 4. Future: not knowing what you want to be when you grow up when you're not grown up yet!

Ways to manage: 1. Build relationships with teens BEFORE they become a teen 2. Talk to them 3. Stay in contact with their friends, teachers etc to show you care and want to be a part of their lives 4. Encourage creative ways for them to express their problems: art, music, sports, writing 5. Seek professional help before depression is out of control

Women in their 20's:

Triggers: 1. Moving away from home: redefining relationship with their parents and isolation 2. Graduating College/ Finding a job 3. Relationships become more significant so break-ups are more painful: grief and loss 4. 1/4 Life crisis: realizing real life is difficult

Ways to manage: 1. Find mentors 2. Build support of friends and family 3. Understand this limbo stage in life is normal 4. Don't feel you have to rush and do a,b, and c: take your time with life

Women in their 30's & 40's:

Triggers: 1. Having children- feeling inadequate, conflict with spouse 2. Postpartum 3. Miscarriage/Infertility 4. Changes in marriage- conflict 5. Infidelity 6. Divorce 7. Job loss 8. Financial Stress 9. Mid life crisis- realizing the "dream" is hard and not what you thought it might be

Ways to Manage: 1. Find other parents to connect with- groups, MOPS etc 2. Focus on positives: Keep gratitude journal 3. Self-Care- exercise, sleep, nutrition, time alone, spirituality, take care of marriage 4. Professional help 5. Medication- seek medical advice

Women in their 50's & 60's:

Menopause

  • It's normal to notice mood shifts during this time & not feel quite like yourself. Due to hot flashes and night sweats you don't get adequate sleep, therefore your energy reserves are low and you feel more irritable.
  • Women with a previous history of Post-Partum Depression, premenstrual syndrome or prior depressive episodes are at a higher risk of developing depression during this time period.
  • Generally it's too hard to say if depression is directly linked to menopause due to other stressors going on in a woman's life (empty nest, raising a family, aging & ailing parents, etc...)

Empty Nest Syndrome

  • Feelings of depression that can set in when a child leaves for college or gets married
  • More women are affected than men, but men do experience feelings of loss too
  • The healthier the relationship is between the parent & child when the child leaves will help both transition during this time.

How to Cope:

  • Direct your new found time and energy on different areas of your life. Explore new or return to hobbies, leisure activities or talents.
  • Realize your role with your child may change from parent-child to more peer-to-peer.
  • Prepare early for this empty nest syndrome while the children are still at home: develop outside relationships, hobbies and interests. Take family vacations.
  • Make plans for the extra money you will have now that the children are out of the house
  • If you are married, use this time to re-connect with your husband; go on dates that you were unable to go on before.

Boomerang Kids

  • In the last year, 1 in 7 families have had a child move back home due to job loss, addiction, divorce, etc...
  • Both of you can agree that this is not a fun or exciting time for either of you, but agree to have respect.

How to Cope:

  •  Set expectations about work. Your child's job is to get a job. Resumes need to be sent out every day, and they need to be knocking on doors. Let them know you expect them to take menial work in the meantime before they find their career job.
  • Set a timetable. Decide how long your child will be living with you (week or months, not years). Having a time table will help them know how much time they have to look for a job and replacement housing.
  • Let your child know they need to help with chores. They need to do their own laundry and help keep the house clean.
  • Set a curfew. Your child is a guest in your house and disruptions cannot be allowed to the household members. Discuss a time that seems reasonable to everyone.
  • Have family meetings. Discuss what is and is not working on regularly scheduled meetings. It's easier to talk about issues when things are calm rather than when tempers are flared.

Taking Care of an Aging Parent

  • 44% of American's aged between 45 & 55 have both living parents and children under the age of 21 years of age at home. They are called the "Sandwich Generation".
  • 2/3rds of these caregivers are women
  • Most of these caregivers are working full time or part-time

How to Cope:

  • Stay healthy. Eat smart, stay away from alcohol, & get rest/enough sleep.
  • Stay organized. Set realistic goals for yourself, prioritize and have a backup plan.
  • Ask for help. You will not be able to do everything yourself. Use your support system!
  • Enjoy things that bring you happiness. It's good to do things that take your mind off of your problems.
  • Step away if you get frustrated. Walk around the block or go into a different room.
  • Use community resources such as adult day services and local church programs.
  • Ask about your company's resources. Eg, flex schedules, FMLA, and company policies on caregivers.
  • Don't forget to thank your friends and family for helping!

Death of a Parent

  • The "Orphan Syndrome" happens when a person loses their last living parent.
  • Feels as though they have nowhere to call home
  • There's no "open door" policy anywhere
  • Begin to think of your own mortality

How to Cope:

  • Realize all these thoughts and feelings are normal and natural.
  • These feelings are temporary and will pass
  • This is a natural part of the grieving process
  • Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc... will be hard in the first few years
  • Plan for these anniversaries ahead of time and realize you may re-experience some short periods of sadness and grief.

 

70's and Beyond:

In a woman's 70's and beyond, depression can often be overlooked (or seen as a "normal" part of aging by doctors, when it isn't).  Here are some common triggers for depression with this age range:

  • Being isolated and craving human interaction (loneliness)
  • Loss- of a spouse, mobility, health, life purpose (e.g., job/retirement), and friends dying
  • Body changes and the pain that comes with bodily changes and aging.
  • Losing privileges- driving, choices about money and living arrangements, and health
  • Changing roles- now more like a child and possibly needing their children or family to be caregivers
  • Having to be dependent on others for help and to ask for help
  • Changes in environment and "home"- such as going into assisted living or a nursing home
  • Regrets in life when looking back
  • Financial stress- not saving enough for retirement and costly health-care
  • Elder abandonment and abuse
  • Questioning God- "Where are you now?"

Ways to cope:

  • Invite older friends and relatives/parents out with you, and encourage them to be active.  Expect a "no" due to insecurity regarding incontinence and/or health concerns when not at home.  Home feels safe.
  • Encourage them to become involved in community groups, assisted living, or club activities that help them become involved with like-minded people (or people who are going through the same issues).
  • Medication can be a helpful alternative for depression, which is why it's so important to recognize depression in this age group.
  • Avoid guilt trips (or allowing guilt trips to consistently get the desired response) from your relatives/parents in this age group.
  • Help them see what they CAN control
  • Encourage them to create a "Bucket List", which encourages them to continue "living" and enjoying their lives.

 

This is a collaborative blog by Natalie Chandler, Tamara Portee and Joleen Watson of Imagine Hope Counseling Group. We enjoy practicing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling . Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

Depression- Signs and Symptoms

Depression is a common issue that many people are facing in their day to day lives. At Imagine Hope we help people everyday on the road to recovery through depression. It is an extremely painful issue that plagues not only the person who has it, but their loved ones too. This week we will help you understand depression by explaining the signs and symptoms, show you how it effects relationships, and how to cope with it. Depression Signs and Symptoms

  • Feeling helpless and hopeless- Commonly characterized by thoughts that "nothing" will help and it will "never" get better.
  • Loss of interest in regular activities- Change in desire and motivation to do daily tasks, even those you once enjoyed, including sex.
  • Appetite or weight changes- a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
  • Sleep changes- Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
  • Irritability or restlessness- Feeling on edge and that things get on your nerves easier than before.
  • Loss of energy- Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
  • Self-loathing- Intense negative self-talk and feelings of unworthiness.
  • Concentration problems- Difficulty staying focused, easily distracted and overwhelmed. Indecisive.
  • Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.
  • Isolation and changes in relationships- Abnormal desire to be alone and withdrawing from close relationships you once felt were part of your support system.
  • Crying for no reason
  • Suicidal thoughts or attempts

Check in tomorrow to see the impact depression has on a woman's lifespan.

Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW

Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.  Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.

Negative Thinking Patterns Alternatives Part 4

Here are the last 4 alternate ways of thinking that are healthier and less destructive: 12.  Fallacy of Change:  You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough.  You need to change people because your hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

Alternate:  Recognizing that no one can "change" another person is  good start to healthier thinking.  Also, recognizing that each of us are responsible for our own happiness.  It is unfair to put that expectation on another person-- to do so is setting up the situation to be disappointing for you, and can feel overwhelming to the other person and create resentment in them (who wants to feel responsible for someone else's happiness??!).  Instead of pressuring a person to change, learn to set boundaries about what you will and will not allow.  The difference is that with boundaries, YOU are the person who makes changes... those changes can in turn influence change in others around you.

13.  Global Labeling:  You generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgement.

Alternative:  Recognize the "all or nothing", "black and white" thinking pattern, and ask yourself if there is an exception to the generalization you are making.  Learn to challenge your labels by trying to see the "grey" area, and ask yourself "where is the evidence to support this label?".  Be open to learning more about whatever the subject of this label might be, which will help in challenging your thinking.

14.  Being Right: You are continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct.  Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any length to demonstrate your rightness. (We see this one quite frequently in marriage counseling).

Alternative:  Being wrong is inevitable and is part of a safe and humble relationship.  Remind yourself that if you are constantly trying to prove how "right" you are, and can't admit when you are wrong, you are only pushing people away and destroying intimacy in the process.

15.  Heaven's Reward Fallacy:  You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score.  You feel bitter when the reward doesn't come.

Alternative:  Each of us is an active participant in our lives, which includes choices-- even if it is a choice to do nothing. We also reap either the rewards or the consequences of our choices.  If we choose to sacrifice, that was our choice-- no one else can be responsible for that.  Changing our expectations to embrace that sometimes (often times), we don't get the outcomes we had hoped to get, and recognize that disappointment is part of life.  Inevitably, regardless of the circumstances, we are each responsible to cope with our feelings-- no one else can do that for us!

Check back next week... the therapists at Imagine Hope will be discussing perfectionism!

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.

Negative Thinking Patterns Part 4

There can be many ways we sabotage our thinking, which result in issues such as marital conflict and communication issues in relationships, depression, anxiety, low self esteem and a host of others.  So far, have you recognized any negative or destructive thought patterns that exist in your life?  How do you think they are effecting you and the people around you? Here are several more negative and unhealthy patterns of thinking: 12.  Fallacy of Change:  You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough.  You need to change people because your hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

13.  Global Labeling:  You generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgement.

14.  Being Right: You are continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct.  Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any length to demonstrate your rightness. (We see this one quite frequently in marriage counseling).

15.  Heaven's Reward Fallacy:  You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score.  You feel bitter when the reward doesn't come.

Check back with the Imagine Hope Counseling Group blog next week, where we will go back and address ways to challenge and change each of the unhealthy/negative patterns of thinking.  Thanks for joining us this week!

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.

Negative Thinking Patterns Part 3

Are you identifying any distortions in your thinking this week? Here are a few more: 9. Emotional Reasoning: This is believing what you feel must be true. If you feel stupid, you believe you are stupid. If you feel guilty, you must have done something wrong. You also believe that what others feel about you is true. So if you grew up with a parent who said you are worthless, you believe you are worthless.

10. Fallacy of change: This is believing you can change other people if you just try hard enough. This can include demanding or withholding affection or love to get someone to change. This is dangerous because you cannot change anyone but yourself and people usually end up feeling manipulated.

11. Global Labeling: This is when you label something because there may be one grain of truth to it. Someone who cuts in front of you in line must be a complete jerk. Someone doesn't make a donation to your son's boy scout troop so they are a miser with their money. It is placing a global judgement on something or someone because of one instance.

Any of these sound familiar? Tomorrow Joleen will share 4 more negative thinking patterns.

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC, LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

Forgiveness Tips 2

  • The alternative to forgiveness is resentment.  Resentment is one of the most toxic things to relationships, and can often times cause irreparable damage.  Resentment can grow and become so large that it blocks a person's ability to have deep connections and intimacy.  This resentment spreads to relationships and people that have nothing to do with the core wound.  It can filter into our relationships with friends, co-workers, spouses, and family. Often times, resentment can become even larger than the original wound itself.  It can also cause health problems from holding in toxic feelings.  As Teri mentioned, forgiveness is for YOU, not them.  Choose to forgive, in order to let go of resentment and the impact it can have on your life.

 

  • Forgiving someone is giving up hope you can change the past.  It's easy to get stuck in the past if we allow it.  Getting to a place of acceptance of what has happened to us is a large part of forgiveness.  One thing we help clients with daily is guiding them towards seeing their hurt as an opportunity to grow and change.  When we can find meaning in our wounds, it takes the power away from our past, as well as the things we can't control (e.g., other people, the past, etc.).

Check back for more tips on forgiveness this week!

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.