This week, we are talking about different kinds of love. Yesterday, Tamara described Eros, or passionate love. Today we will cover storge (pronounced store- guh) types of love, or love that occurs naturally in a family. Storge doesn't expect too much, is unconditional, often overlooks the other's faults and frequently forgives. Storge is the love where we can be comfortable and secure just being in the presence of one another.
Yesterday we talked about how unconditional love (or Agape Love) can provide safety during extremely stressful times. Today we will continue to address other ways that unconditional love can benefit your marriage: Security and Stability Can Help You Grow
When you experience an unchanging type of love, full of stability and security, it creates an atmosphere of openness and trust. When you feel that you are in a trusting relationship, it allows you both to mature together in a healthy way. Wheat and Okes believe that when you experience Agape Love personally, it can help you to grow and become the type of person you want to be—by reaching your full potential.
Every Day is Easier
When you experience Agape Love, you feel secure in your relationship. Due to this, you are less likely to lash out at your partner or deal any devastating blows to the relationship. Wheat and Okes believe that the longer you experience unconditional love, the lesser your anger, depression, worry, and fatigue become. Instead of being quick to anger, you are more likely to respond with patience and kindness.
Continue to read this week as we talk more about the benefits of Agape Love.
*Source: "Love Life For Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes
Written by Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Yesterday we discussed how unconditional love (agape love) is demonstrated. It takes a lot of work, and dedication. For the next 3 days we're going to discuss the benefits of loving our partners in this unconditional, agape way. Here's one benefit of agape love: Providing Safety During Stressful Times
Every relationship will experience times which are more stressful than others. One partner in the relationship may experience more stress than the other during those specific turbulent times.
I don't know about you, but when I'm feeling vulnerable and stressed, I don't always behave or act in ways that are attractive! When our mates are experiencing overwhelming stress, they may not act in attractive ways either. Providing unconditional agape love is extremely important. It's probably the best time to show unconditional love to let them know we're there for them, we've got their back, and we support them.
Providing agape love to your partner will help them get through the troubled time, and can be the best remedy for mental health.
*Source: "Love Life For Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes
Written by: Tamara Portee MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.” Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare
Unconditional love is often an ideal thought, but poorly executed. This week we are looking at the topic of unconditional love (aka agape love) and the benefits it can have in your marriage.
Wheat and Okes talk about an amazing example of unconditional love between humans in the Bible. The Old Testament story of Hosea and Gomer is one when a faithful husband chose to love is wife unconditionally even after she engages in extremely unlovable behaviors of prostitution.
Hosea shows unconditional love to his wife when he "takes her back home to love her back to health and restore her to a place of honor".
It is a strong correlation of how Jesus loves us. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more...or less. He loves us period....with NO conditions on anything we do. We just have to accept His love.
People aren't loved unconditionally because they deserve to be. Rather they are loved unconditionally because someone chose to give that gift to another.
In marriage, many people struggle with truly exhibiting this type of love due to pain, fear, and shame. Check in the next few days to see how loving the agape way can benefit your marriage.
Source: Love Life For Every Married Couple by Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri does virtual therapy for residents of Indiana and Florida using videoconferencing technology. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling and adolescent counseling.
Myth #7: Love and Anger are Incompatible Many people believe that if you really love someone, that means you never get angry at them. Or perhaps you grew up in a house where you didn't feel loved when someone was angry with you, so as an adult in relationships, you feel that anger means someone is withdrawing love from you. While this might happen in some relationships, typically, this is not true. When someone feels angry with you, it doesn't mean they don't love you-- it just means they are upset with a behavior you have shown, and is a feeling that indicates something needs to change.
If you believe that you cannot show anger to someone that you love, it will result in bottling up feelings and not sharing them with your partner. Over time, these feelings become toxic and will impact how you relate to that person. The feelings might come out in indirect ways that are hurtful to the relationship. This can often result in the death of the relationship.
The truth is, we can and do feel love and anger at the same time. Just because you are angry with something your partner did, doesn't mean you don't love them. Anger is a healthy feeling and unavoidable in intimate relationships. We can't try to keep them separate and have a healthy relationship. It's important to learn how to express anger in healthy ways to our partner so they know what we are struggling with and what needs to change.
As Gerald Corey shares, "If you deny your anger, you are negating your love". It's hard to feel loving towards someone if we have a bunch of negative feelings bottled up inside. It only keeps us distant from our partner and makes it difficult for them to love us in return.
If you struggle with showing or sharing appropriate anger in your relationship, we encourage you to get help in learning how to do this. Marriage counseling or individual counseling can be a great way to address this. It truly can help turn your relationship into one that is healthier and more intimate!
Adapted from "I Never Knew I Had A Choice" by Gerald Corey
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Myth #4 -We fall in and out of love. To watch movies or read romance novels, one would believe that love is something that happens to us, not something we engage in. In film, love strikes you and leaves you powerless, lovelorn, and driven by a power outside your control. Classic fairy tales teach women to wait and man will come and sweep her off her feet. These myths prevent people from accepting personal responsibility for what they decide and do when they feel the initial infatuation. The truth is that love is something that people create and grow. During the initial attraction, or deceivingly put “falling in love”, our brains produce chemicals that feel good and make us want to continue to get to know our new love interest. But after that initial phase of infatuation, the chemicals stop and to love becomes a choice and requires effort. This is where we choose to grow with our partner and develop a love together. If love dies, it is because of neglect or failure to take care of the love. If we are passive and believe that love is something that happens to us or that we fall into, not that we create and maintain, love will surely die. Love is something we choose to share, and choose to receive, and choose to maintain.
Myth # 5-Love is Exclusive. Some people believe that there is only so much room in their heart for a limited supply of love. Some people believe that you can only love one person, and that there is only one person in the world for them. That is not the case. Love is expansive; it grows and replenishes itself as it is given. When we are open to loving others, we can love our partner even more deeply. To be clear, while Eros (romantic love) is usually between two people, Philia (friendship and community love) is healthy while feeling romantically in love. (for more on types of love, see our blog http://www.imaginehopecounseling.com/wmblog/?m=201202&paged=2). We can love our friends and community members and not take away from the love we have for our romantic partners.
Sometimes when two people are in love, one partner wants the other to only be with him or her. S/he becomes jealous when his/her partner has friends or especially friends of the opposite sex. The partner may wonder why the other has to have other friends that they are not giving enough. But humans are creatures of community and are able to love others and still have enough romantic love left for a partner. Jealousy is not love- it is fear. On the other side, lack of jealousy is not indifference. Giving of Philia love does not take away from Eros love. There is room in our hearts for lots of love!
Please follow along the rest of the week as Natalie and Joleen debunk more myths about love. As always, thanks for stopping by!
*Source: “I Never Knew I Had A Choice” by Gerald Corey
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield