This week, we are discussing the ever sought after goal of many of our clients— peace. Peace of heart, peace of mind, a peaceful home, peaceful relationships, or a peaceful work environment. The issues we see in our office that bring couples, families and individuals to therapy may vary, but underneath the presenting problem is usually the same core struggle: Whatever is going on in their life feels chaotic, unsettling, insecure, or just simply without peace.
Opportunities to Build Trust
Trust is an essential ingredient in every relationship. Trust is extremely important in marriages, romantic relationships, with our children and other family members. When the person we're in a relationship with feels a lack of trust with us, they lose hope and a sense resentment starts to build.
This is the golden question, isn't it? Truth is, there's not really one correct answer to this. People lie for many different reasons, and I'm sure I won't cover all of them!
Fear- Some people lie because they're afraid of how others will react if they find out the truth. Will they still love me or will they leave me? Will I still be accepted? Will they get angry at me?
We all have people in our lives that we struggle with because of lying or betrayal. I'm sure you can probably think of a few right now! These individuals may lie constantly, fabricate stories, betray our trust, “backstab”, cheat, abuse, or do unethical things. This week at Imagine Hope we are talking about people who lie, betray, and the trust issues that lying can cause in any kind of relationship. Trust in any kind relationship is important -- from intimate relationships, friendships, family, co-workers, etc. If I can’t trust you, I will often wonder what malicious motives you may have for everything you say and do. I will question myself, constantly look for those red flags or “gut feelings” and probably not believe you about most things. Our relationship will possibly become very superficial because of my fear.
Betrayal by someone you care about is an extreme wound. If someone has done something and broken that trust, I will probably build walls up to protect myself. Anytime from here on out that someone else hits that “wound”, I will feel the pain severely. I may feel anxious, have trouble being vulnerable with others, and have very low expectations. I may find it very difficult to believe that people are basically good and trustworthy.
Continue to read this week as we continue to talk about lying, trust, and betrayal—and some actions steps to take for your own healing :)
Written by Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
As we have previously discussed, there are five main levels of intimacy in relationships. When beginning to date, or when working on rebuilding a relationship, it's important to move through each of the levels before jumping to the next. This builds a more solid foundation for the relationship and makes intimacy greater. Level 5: My needs, emotions and desires
This is the highest level of intimacy in relationships. It requires a great amount of trust, because it's the level where we are allowing ourself to be known at our deepest core.
The motto at this stage, is: If I can't trust that you won't reject me, then I will never be able to share my deepest self with you.
Once you let someone see who you really are, there is no escape from this, and it can feel intimidating-- but SO rewarding! This can feel risky because when you open yourself up to someone, you are at your most vulnerable with them. When we share things like "I'm hurt when you don't call", " or "I want to spend my life with you", you are sharing your hurts, but also your needs and desires. This level is also where we share our emotional responses to things, which is why we tend to save this kind of intimacy for our closest loved ones, like our spouse and family.
Without all five stages of intimacy, you can't achieve true intimacy. What stages have you gone through in your relationship?
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.