Sex

Create Fireworks In Your Marriage by Spicing it Up!

The most important part of seduction is to communicate your desires to your partner.  In addition, you need to allow your partner to communicate their desires to you as well.  Oftentimes, our sex life becomes lazy the longer we are with our partner.  You need to relay to your partner that you still want to please them, in order to avoid a rut. When you do find yourselves in a sexual rut, it’s often because life gets in the way.  We have careers, children, bills to pay, a house to clean, etc.  Sometimes these things can drain our energy during the day, and we don’t have the energy to “perform” in bed at night.  However, when you have sex with spark, it is not an energy drain, but an energy boost!

Stop having the same sex!  Seduce your partner, spice up your sex life.  Try something or someplace new.  Take it out of the bedroom or incorporate a new position, lingerie, or novelty.  Try to recreate the sex that you had when you were first together.

Remember what turns your partner on-and do it!  Make them feel desired and appreciated.  Stop wearing that old nightgown or ripped T-shirt to bed.  Put on something seductive and see what happens.  Massage your partner’s back or neck.  Put on a new perfume/cologne or light some sensual candles.  Turn on some music and let it guide you.

Have sex at least twice a week.  Make it a priority!  When you put the time into it to make it more rewarding, it doesn’t feel like a chore.  The key is to seduce your partner, not service them!  Explore and communicate your own desires, and be enthusiastic to make your partner feel good.  But most of all, have a blast!

Written by guest author Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW

Christy is a licensed therapist at Journey to Joy Counseling in Carmel, Indiana. She specializes in Individual Counseling, Couples/Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Family Counseling,  and Teen/Adolescent Counseling

Why is Your Husband Not Attracted to You? Part 2

Why is Your Husband Not Attracted to You? Part 2

It's common to get busy/distracted/upset and lose sight of our roles in marriage. If this week's blog helps even one person, it was well worth writing it! Hopefully it helps us re-center and focus back on our marriage partner.

Withdrawing Physical Touch & Sex

In our counseling practice, we know that if a sexual relationship is suffering between a married couple, it's not about the sex....it's much deeper. Therefore, focusing on having more sex won't be the answer.

Infertility Part 5

Infertility Part 5

This week, we finish up with the final post on Infertility:  How infertility impacts sex in a relationship.

As you have probably already gathered from the blogs earlier in this week's topic, infertility is not just about sex and conception.  There is SO much more that a couple goes through with infertility, including the devastating impact that infertility can have on a couple's sexual relationship.  

How to Create Fireworks in Your Marriage- Flirting

Flirting with Your Spouse! You’ve heard the saying, “The grass grows where it’s watered”. As with grass and plants, so it is in our relationships. The more effort and time you give to it, the more it will grow and weather life’s challenges. That’s why I love this weeks topic. It’s not just about sex, it’s about keeping the relationship ALIVE!

Flirting You remember how to flirt, don’t you? Remember the good ole days when you would look at each other across the room and know what you both were thinking? It’s easy to get into a rut and just glance to let the other one know, “Hey, yo! It’s time to go!” One way of flirting is to actually gaze at them. Make them wonder what you are up to!

Wink at them  This is another fun one. When you are walking thru the house, wink at them. Rather than just pass them by, wink, pat them, or blow them a kiss. When you are listening to your kids argue at the dinner table, start playing “footsie” under the table. I know, I know. It’ sounds cheesy. But this is the fun stuff we used to do when we were dating. You couldn’t keep your hands or eyes off each other. It really will bring some playfulness back into the relationship instead of keeping it so serious.

Text Messaging Earlier in the week, Tamara mentioned texting when apart. I think this is a great idea! Flirt with that as well. Or better yet, when your spouse is upstairs and you are downstairs, doing separate things, send them a fun or sexy text. It’s funny to hear the chuckle when they receive it. And again, it keeps things not so serious.

Mirror Messages You know one of the best ways to send a creative, fun message? Write it on their mirror in the bathroom (or car). Just a simple “I love you” or “Have a good day!” will brighten things up and can create a good feeling with your spouse. If you want to get real sexy, use your bright red lipstick! This will send a message to him that is more than “Just thinking about you!”.

There are so many creative ways to flirt. It’s a natural process of dating, so just remember back to that. Get cheesy, have fun, and lighten things up. You just might find your tired self in the mood to act young again!

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for more tips tomorrow as Joleen finishes out our blog.

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

How To Create Fireworks In Your Marriage- Seduction

The key to seduction is communicating desire.  Not just desire for your own needs to be met, but to meet the desires of your partner.  You have to show your partner that you really want them.   At the beginning of our sexual relationships, we are on our best behavior.  We aim to please and we are open to pleasure.  Over time and with familiarity- that can fade and leave us in a sexual rut. Sometimes after years of marriage, we can become sexually lazy.  Often life, careers, children get in the way of intimacy.  Sometimes those things drain our energy and we have nothing left to give in bed at night.  However, sex with spark is not an energy drain, but an energy boost!

Quit having the same old sex!  Really seduce your partner.  Try something new!  Try someplace new!  As long as it is loving, safe, and mutual, intimacy can be fun.  Take it out of the bedroom and see how you feel.  Make your own rules together.

Remember your partner’s turn ons.  Use them.  Nothing feels as good as being truly appreciated and desired.  Are you a visual person? Take off that old nightgown or tattered pajamas. Then put on something sexy!   A sense of touch person?   Touch your partner in non-sexual ways too.  A sense of smell person?  Wear your partner’s favorite cologne or light sensual candles.

Have sex at least twice a week.  You can find the time.  When you put the time and effort into making it fun and rewarding, it does not seem like a chore.  The key here is to seduce, not service your partner!  Find the connection that makes YOU want more.  Explore and communicate your own sensuality. Find and show your enthusiasm.  And last but not least, have a blast!

Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT

Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapyfamily counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield

Tips to Make Sex More Fulfilling- Joleen

This week, Imagine Hope is discussing different tips for how you can make your sex life more fulfilling. Have fun and be more playful.  Sex doesn't have to be serious, routine and boring.  Spice things up by including laughter and make it fun!  It's always good to incorporate humor in our day to day lives (good natured, of course!)-- including sex.  Send your partner playful texts throughout the day.  Be playful with touch and conversation.  Remember that good sex starts outside of the bedroom!

Learn about your partner's sexual preferences and interests.  Find out what the other person likes-- different ways of being touched, sexual positions, the things that person likes during foreplay (or how much foreplay they like or don't like), or the ways that bring them to orgasm.  Then do them!  Don't be selfish during sex.  Make sure to focus appropriate attention on what the other person is telling you (through their words or through the unspoken ways they are telling you) about their interests.  If your partner doesn't like something, or if something is a turn-off for them, take note of it and try not to do that particular thing.  Above all else, be open to talking about sex! If you like something, or don't like something, be open with your partner in telling them.

Have sex more often!  While each couple has their own preference for how often they want to have sex (and what they find fulfilling), try to have sex more often.  Try to have sex at least once a week or more.  It's easy to let day to day life get in the way of a healthy sex life, but try not to let this happen.  After work, kids, family, and home, we can all be exhausted.  But again, don't let this keep your sex life from happening.  It's important for a healthy relationship to remain sexually connected.  While it's not the only way to show love, it is a very important part of fully loving your partner.

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.

Tips to Make Sex More Fulfilling- Alexa

Remember that feeling you had when you began dating your partner?  When we make special effort to romance our partner, they will know that we are interested in their happiness. Romance your partner like when you were dating!   Sex is more fufilling for women when it about more than only physical release.  Women are far more likely to respond to your sexual advances when they feel attractive, valued, and important.   Romance is a wonderful way of communicating these sentiments. Male partners also feel more connected and engaged in sex when they feel wanted, valued, appreciated, and attractive.  Even small romantic gestures go a long way to draw a couple together.  Little things can be exciting like calling her in the middle of the day to tell her she looked nice this morning, or drop him a note at lunch time to let him know you can't wait for the kids to go to bed tonight!

Stress is the ultimate killer of sexual mojo.  If you want your partner to be more engaged in sex, the worst thing to do is complain or attack your partner on his or her performance.  If your partner is sexual with you out of fear, debt, or obligation, it will not be fufilling for either of you.

Relax!  Don't put too much pressure on each other, but help your partner in kind encouraging ways.  Communicate your desires safely always making sure that your partner hears you say that you love them enough to want to be intimate with them.  If you do not like what your partner is asking you to do sexually, communicate that in a loving way.  Let them know it is the act that you don't like, not that you don't like your partner.  Talk about what you like and what you don't like. If there is something that your partner does really well, let them know that too!  If your partner feels stressed about sex, they will likely not want to engage in it and neither will you.

Please continue to check in this week for more tips to make sex more fulfilling.  As always, thanks for stopping by.

 

Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT

Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield

 

Tips to Make Sex More Fulfilling- Tammy

Don't Get Stuck In A Rut Change it up! Sex can get boring very quickly when the routine (& the room) is the same each time. If you have sex mainly at night, try having sex in the morning a few times. Feel uncomfortable because the kids are in the next room? Try to have sex before they get home from school. Is it always in the bedroom? Find a different room in the house.

Make time for sex

One of the biggest complaints between couples is how sex isn't made a priority. Sex is one of the biggest pieces of the marriage puzzle, along with finances, children, communication, etc.  If you find yourself getting too tired to have sex, then have sex before you get too tired.

Are there too many things to do before you're able to have sex? Then ask for help. Try approaching your spouse and say, "I have x, y, and z to do, but if I get help with these 3 things, then that will free me up for us to have some time together".

You have to make time for sex, just as you make time for everything else in your day. If you don't, your relationship can start to suffer.

We have several more tips to share with you, please re-visit our blog to read them all.

Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC

*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling  at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.

Tips to Make Sex More Fulfilling- Teri

Every relationship deserves a healthy sex life. Sex is what sets a romantic relationship apart from any other relationship. Ideally, sex is a physical expression of the deep emotional connection between a couple who love each other. Since we hear so much from the couples we work with about connecting better sexually, we thought it would be helpful to share with our readers too. We hope each of you will find these tips useful all week!

Connect on an Emotional Level Outside the Bedroom

It is hard to have a fulfilling sexual experience when you don't feel connected emotionally. The more emotionally intimate a couple is, the more fulfilling the sex. When you trust someone fully, share as if you are emotionally naked, and truly love and respect your partner, physical intimacy will have more meaning and satisfaction.

Remember that treating your partner well emotionally will open them up to a more vulnerable sexual experience. Using harsh words and criticism can cause your partner to be guarded, which will lessen the physical fulfillment and could cause distractions during sex.

Working hard at the emotional relationship will have multiple rewards for both of you- even sexually!

Check back tomorrow as Tamara shares some more great tips!

 

Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC

Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.