No doubt, as a parent, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do things the right way. As a parent, it's a very vulnerable feeling to wonder if you might actually be doing something to contribute to your child's struggles. Therapy is a safe place for your child to discuss not only the things they are struggling with, but to share some of the things they see in their family system that are difficult for them to cope with.
Why do parents sabotage therapy for their children?
Unfortunately, most parents do not even know they are doing it! When parents make the decision to bring a child in for counseling, it is possible that throughout the therapeutic process, the parents themselves can shift the focus of therapy and discuss their own issues, which can negatively impact or sabotage the counseling process for the child until these issues are resolved. In family counseling, when a child is presented in therapy as the "identified patient," parents often do not recognize that they are also part of the problem...and the solution.
Read about why this is and learn ways to prevent this from happening with your child.
This week on the blog we are discussing the importance of a parent’s role in their child’s counseling. So often, children do not receive the help that they need—not because their parents don’t care, but because their parents may not understand the ways they are sabotaging counseling. This week we hope to provide tips and encouragement so that all children and adolescents get the help that they need.
We are in the thick of teenage land in our home. I have to admit, many days are hard. I long for the “ease” of potty training and teaching “please and thank you”. Some days I want to ask my son, “What have you done with my baby?! Please bring him back!” I say that to be funny, but in all seriousness, It’s not for the faint of heart. Hopefully this week is helping you ease the burden and establish some roles when parenting your teen.
Ahhh, the teenage years. It's hard enough going through them, let alone parenting someone who is! Hopefully the roles we're identifying for parents this week will help.
2. Teach teens communication skills.
We've all heard it said that the best way to teach good behavior is to model it. Well, the same goes for communication. If you want your teen to speak "adult", then you need to model it and practice it with them.
Ever receive a small gift or thank-you note unexpectedly? Remember how special it felt to receive it? The same applies in marriage too. Let your spouse know you're thinking of them when you're apart. Figure out your mate's love language and run with it! If your spouse is someone whose love language is Verbal Affirmations, then send positive, loving texts to them throughout the day,
This week as we explore conflict resolution tips, see if you can recognize strengths you already possess in this area, along with skills you need to sharpen a bit more. Here are a few more tips to make conflict more productive:
6. Eliminate cheap shots and "below the belt" comments. Conflict is to be respectful, using respectful words and phrases.
As we have been discussing parenting a difficult child, we encourage you to keep in mind that parenting isn't just about teaching your child how to "behave"-- It's also showing them love by teaching them how to navigate their world and learn more about themselves. Today we will complete the series on strategies for coping with difficult behaviors in kids.
I think as a society in general, we tend to focus on what we are doing "wrong" as parents. I love what we are doing this week as we focus on what a healthy Mom looks like vs. what we are all doing wrong. Today we are going to focus on discipline. Discipline is about Teaching, not just Punishment When we think of discipline we often think of punishment. But the actual word "disciple" comes from the word "discipline" because it is about teaching.
This week we are examining what characteristics make a healthy mother. Most moms want to do their best to raise happy well- adjusted children. We are often blamed for the troubles of our children by the media, psychological theories (thanks Freud) and most of all, other mothers. The best way to inoculate our families from the harmful effects of the universe is attunement. No I am not talking about barber shop style acapella singing groups (thank goodness), but really connecting with, or being in tune with your child. Attunement is being aware of, and responding to your child. This is not an easy task. Mothers are famous for being pulled in a myriad of different directions, so staying attuned with your child takes planning and effort. Keep your eye on the prize: Attunement
Characteristic #2: A Healthy Mother Doesn't Pick Favorites & Knows They Need to Love Their Children Differently
Mother's know each of their children are separate individuals, each with their own separate emotional needs, talents and abilities. While your first-born may have been a very special and unique and separate experience from your third or fourth-born, a healthy mother does not show favoritism toward any of her children.
This week's blog is such an important topic. If you the parent are aware and better informed, then you can pass on this information to your children as well. Here are two more tips on how to protect your kids from predators:
- Explain how predators work on the internet. Tell your kids to never give out their personal information (name, address, phone number, school, friends names, etc...) without your approval first.