As Teri and Tamara have discussed so far this week, trauma is not necessarily something that happens that creates Post Traumatic Stress, but is often times things that may seem small that happen to us when we are growing up or events that occur as adults. As Teri said, a trauma reaction is when the victim transfers the abuse experience to that moment and feels like they are transported in a time machine back to the traumatizing event. Today I want to discuss with you the traumatizing affects created from an affair.
Do you know the definition of insanity? We see it a lot in couples and individuals. It's what many of them need to remove from their life: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! We are constantly amazed at how couples, and individuals for that matter, continually do the same things and are surprised when they don't get a different outcome. Particularly with couples, they will come in and insist on fighting, the same way they do at home, only in front of an audience that they are paying. I will persistently try over and over to teach them to have conflict in a different, more healthy
Have you ever taken a good hard look at your life or your marriage and realized, "This isn't working anymore, but I don't know what to do?" Well, this week, Imagine Hope is going to go over some of the things we see in marriages (and life in general) that need to be REMOVED in order for individuals and marriages to be successful. Maybe you're caught up in a negative thinking pattern, nag too much, or are overly critical. Or, maybe you have an addiction or are having an affair that needs to be removed in order for your life or marriage to get back to it's winning percentage.
What does an emotional affair look like?
Harry and Sally both worked at Eli Lilly. They were on the IT team together and worked on several projects as a great team. They started going out to lunch to talk shop. One day Harry was very upset about a fight he and his wife had the night before and decided to get some advice from Sally. Sally then shared her struggles in her marriage with her husband. Seem pretty innocent? Let's continue...
This week we are talking about secrets! Secrets come in many forms. There are healthy secrets, but also toxic ones. What is the difference? A toxic secret is one that will block you from intimacy and puts walls between you and your loved one. Support4change.com says, toxic secrets “hide a part of your heart, disguise your vulnerability which denies a gift to your loved one, or prevents your loved one from supporting you.”
The Imagine Hope ladies have shared some great statistics and information on infidelity, and how to affair proof your marriage, but what can you do if an affair has already happened?
- Seek out a professional counselor that has knowledge and experience in healing from infidelity. This one is imperative, because if you can't heal from the affair, it will cause more damage to your marriage on down the road! It's important to understand how your relationship got to this place, and without professional help, it can be difficult to do so. We all have blind spots-- that's what makes us human. Most of the time, it's necessary to have someone who is a neutral party help us understand things from an outside perspective.
If you haven't read Teri's guest blog yesterday on the statistics of affairs, please read it. The stats are alarming, depressing, sad and scary. It's easy to spiral and think, "It's only a matter of time before this happens to me!" Remember, there ARE marriages that don't have infidelity.
How do you know which category your marriage will fall under? Below are some signs that show who is at risk for an affair. This is not scientifically sound; this is to be used as a tool to assess whether your marriage is at risk:
Infidelity is an issue we work with multiple times a day at Imagine Hope. Unfortunately it is an epidemic that is plaguing America's marriages and relationships. This week Imagine Hope is digging deeper into this issue to give you a glimpse of how to protect your relationships, how to heal if you have experienced this, and whether or not your relationship is at risk for one.