Gary Chapman

Create Fireworks In Your Marriage....With a Little Space

Create Fireworks In Your Marriage....With a Little Space

Ever receive a small gift or thank-you note unexpectedly? Remember how special it felt to receive it? The same applies in marriage too. Let your spouse know you're thinking of them when you're apart. Figure out your mate's love language and run with it! If your spouse is someone whose love language is Verbal Affirmations, then send positive, loving texts to them throughout the day,

Christmas Gifts that say “I Get You” - Part 1

 Christmas Gifts that say “I Get You” - Part 1

Christmas is coming up and many feel pressure to find the “perfect” gift. This week Imagine Hope is giving you tips on what to give based on your partner’s love language. There is a great book that helps couples examine which love languages they speak: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Christmas Gifts That Say "I Get You" Quality Time/ Receiving Gifts

Thank you, Teri for giving us a great description of the 5 Love Languages. And Tamara had some GREAT ideas for Words of Affirmations. If you haven’t read the description yet of the 5 Love Languages, you may want to back up to Monday and do that. I am going to give you some ideas for Quality Time and Receiving Gifts. Quality Time:

~The typical dinner date will do with this love language- however, try to find someplace quiet, without TV’s and distractions. That way you can chat. Quality Timers love to have, well…QUALITY time when they are with you. That means focused on the time together, not everything that is going on. Everything else can wait.

~Ask your partner out to coffee. Put away the phones/computers etc and just sit and chat. Have some questions available to start a conversation so the topic isn’t about work, the kids, or regular day-to-day stuff. Really find out some new information about them. Or reminisce.

~If you have children and can’t get a sitter, schedule a date at home. Put the kids to bed early, and play a game together. Leave the TV off and again, don’t forget to turn off your phone. Just enjoy laughing together and having a little friendly competition.

~If your partner is a sports fan, nothing screams QT to them like going to a sporting event. Surprise them with tickets and enjoy the time together, even if you aren’t a sports fan. It’s about BEING together for them.

~When it’s warm, have a picnic in a park. Go for a bike ride or a walk. Anything where it’s just the two of you.

~If your budget permits, schedule a weekend get away to a bed and breakfast.

The main key here is just the two of you, having focused time together, without distractions!

Receiving Gifts:

~I know Teri mentioned making something that doesn’t cost money is great as well. However, the gift of TIME can be so wonderful to someone who doesn’t have a lot of it. Taking the kids so they have some time to themselves. Or cleaning the house so they have time enjoy the weekend.

~If your spouse is exhausted with a new baby, the gift of rest. Give them the weekend to rest. You can really get creative with this. All you have to do is ask yourself, “What is it that my partner needs the most right now? What are they struggling with the most? What do they complain about the most?” You will get your answer.

~Additionally, there are the traditional flowers, chocolates, and candy. However, if you’re going to spend money, how about a gift card to a Spa or to her favorite clothing store. Especially if your partner has trouble spending money on themselves (Most Mom’s struggle with this!). If your spouse loves sports, a gift card to Dicks or to BW’s and a card that says, “Go have fun with the guys and watch the game!”

~If you do jewelry, make it something that means something like her birthstone or the kids birthstones. Something that lets her know you spent some time thinking about it and didn’t just buy whatever someone at the counter suggested.

Hopefully you are getting some good ideas here! Tomorrow Joleen will finish up with Physical Touch and Acts of Service. Thank you for reading and Happy Holidays!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC, LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

Tips to Nurture Relationships 5

Speak your child's love language! Speaking your child's love language, whether it's physical touch or quality time (or any of the 5), helps to restore tenderness in the relationship.  This is important, regardless of what relationship you are trying to nurture.

If your child or teen has behavior problems, many times parents will stop doing special outings or use a lack of quality time as a form of "punishment" for bad behavior.  While we aren't recommending that you take your kids to Disney following concrete evidence that they have been stealing from the neighbor, it's important to keep discipline and showing love separate.  Don't use a withdrawal of love to punish, and don't use a child's love language as a reward towards good behavior. 

Showing love to your child needs to be it's own separate entity!

How do you nurture your relationships?

Adapted from Scott Sells book, "Parenting Your Out Of Control Teenager" and "The Five Love Languages for Kids" by Gary Chapman.

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.

Feelings and Defenses 5

This week, Imagine Hope is discussing how defenses can be used to mask or avoid feelings, especially the feelings of anger, sadness, fear, loneliness, shame guilt.  Now that we have learned some of the defenses and what feelings they can mask, how does this impact us in our lives? Not dealing with feelings can cause a host of issues, such as depression, anxiety, issues with reactivity or rage (an extreme form of unhealthy anger), and other issues.

Today we will cover some different resources that might be helpful to you if you often find your defenses covering up your feelings:

Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne

Anger:  Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Gary Chapman

Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw

Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson by Joan Borysenko

Loneliness:  Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by John Cacioppo, PhD

We hope you find these resources helpful!  Did you see any defenses in yourself from this week's blog?

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.