Communication myths

Communication Myths 3-5

Communication Myths 3-5

Myth #3: “If my partner and I can just make more time to talk about our problems, it will solve all of our relationship issues” 

Reality: There are several reasons why this statement isn’t true. First of all, though increasing communication in a relationship is imperative, it isn’t the only thing that is needed in order to improve the relationship. More of unhealthy communication only makes matters worse. If each individual isn’t aware of the unhealthy ways they are communicating with each other, it can become a circular pattern of never-ending conflict and pain. Secondly, how we communicate is more significant than how much- the amount of time spent talking isn’t nearly as important to the relationship as the quality of how people communicate.

Communication Myths 1-2

Communication Myths 1-2

Are you struggling with communication? Do you get frustrated when it feels like your partner and you aren't on the same page? This might mean that you are believing some communication myths! Falling into the trap of these communication myths will only end in more frustration in your relationship. This week Imagine Hope will squash these myths in order for you to have a healthy shift in thinking when you are talking with others!

How Do You Communicate With Your Partner? Part 5

By now, you have learned through this week's blog that communication can involve some rather common pitfalls.  How many of these communication issues do you recognize in your marriage?  If you find yourself agreeing with the statements below, these may be areas of concern for your marriage. I don't like to argue, because I feel arguing reflects badly on the relationship.

By having the underlying assumption or core belief that conflict is "bad", you are preventing intimacy in your relationship.  It's only when we are able to have constructive conflict that we are allowing our spouse or partner to see into our heart to what is bothering us.  Not having any conflict at all means that you do not have true closeness.  Many times, we assume that conflict is raging or yelling at each other.  This is not accurate.  Healthy conflict might get a little heated, but it is simply stating how we feel and how we are hurting.

I don't like to discuss our negative feelings because it only makes us feel worse.

Like we shared above, negative feelings that are shared with our significant other allow greater intimacy to grow within the relationship.  The opposite of sharing your negative feelings is to stuff them.  When we stuff our feelings, it allows resentment to grow and be a part of our relationship, which ends up slowly destroying things.  Sometimes, we have to feel worse to feel better.  Sharing our feelings can be messy sometimes, but the outcome is much more rewarding than avoiding bringing things up (as long as you have a partner that is receptive to hearing how you feel... even when it's uncomfortable!).

I don't feel I should have to bring up what's bothering me, because my partner should already know.

This is a very common communication myth-- one that we call the "mind reading myth".  It simply states that "you should be able to read my mind, and if I have to tell you how I feel or what is bothering me, then you must not really care".  THIS IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE!  We are all responsible for telling those around us not only how we feel, but what we are needing from them.  Owning your feelings and needs, and having your spouse respond to this request by meeting your needs (when they can), is extremely powerful.  It can feel very loving to have someone react favorably to owning our feelings and saying what we need.  And it can be very manipulative to your spouse when you walk around giving the silent treatment and expecting them to read your mind.

Did  you recognize any of these common communication mistakes?  If so, we encourage you to begin working on them today... and see just how amazing your relationship can be!

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.

 

Communication Myths 1-2

Are you struggling with communication? Do you get frustrated when it feels like your partner and you aren't on the same page? This might mean that you are believing some communication myths! Falling into the trap of these communication myths will only end in more frustration in you relationship. This week Imagine Hope will squash these myths in order for you to have a healthy shift in thinking when you are talking with others! Myth #1: “If my partner really loved me and cared about me, he/she would instinctively know how I feel, and what I want and need to be happy in our relationship” Reality: This is called the "mind-reading myth" - expecting your partner to know instinctively what you want and need without having to say anything, then feeling resentful, discouraged, frustrated, and unfulfilled when your needs aren’t met. In reality, people must specifically communicate their wants, needs, and expectations to others in order to potentially get those needs met, including communicating how they feel about issues that arise in the relationship. If this is something you have never done, it can be quite scary and awkward, and it takes a lot of practice. The rewards, however, can open up a whole new avenue of intimacy in the relationship, deepening the connection between two people. It is much more satisfying than sitting around and hoping that someone will eventually realize what you need, what is important to you, and how you feel!

Myth #2: “People who really love each other should automatically communicate well" Reality: People don’t generally learn at a young age how to communicate effectively with others in ways that deepen and strengthen relationships. Good communication does not come naturally for most people. In fact, many of us learned very unhealthy ways of communication from various role models in our lives, and continue to communicate in unhealthy ways because it is all we know. Healthy communication takes great understanding and insight into your own issues, knowing your background and history, how you are the way you are, including your ‘hot spots’ as well as your ‘blind spots’. Learning how to communicate in an open and healthy way is one essential component to the growth of a relationship, and takes dedication and work to change.

More myths to come all week! Keep reading for more!!

Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW

Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding  areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.