What is one definite way to ruin communication, trust and intimacy in your relationships? Passive-Aggressive behaviors and indirect communication.
Do you know the definition of insanity? We see it a lot in couples and individuals. It's what many of them need to remove from their life: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! We are constantly amazed at how couples, and individuals for that matter, continually do the same things and are surprised when they don't get a different outcome. Particularly with couples, they will come in and insist on fighting, the same way they do at home, only in front of an audience that they are paying. I will persistently try over and over to teach them to have conflict in a different, more healthy
Have you ever taken a good hard look at your life or your marriage and realized, "This isn't working anymore, but I don't know what to do?" Well, this week, Imagine Hope is going to go over some of the things we see in marriages (and life in general) that need to be REMOVED in order for individuals and marriages to be successful. Maybe you're caught up in a negative thinking pattern, nag too much, or are overly critical. Or, maybe you have an addiction or are having an affair that needs to be removed in order for your life or marriage to get back to it's winning percentage.
When some people think of gambling addiction, they have a picture in mind of someone who takes their paycheck and blows it on scratch offs or at the casino. Someone who is in jeopardy of being evicted from their home, can barely buy groceries, and has collection agencies calling. Although this is a picture of a gambling addict, there are other forms as well.
magine Hope specializes in helping couples build a healthy relationship. Unfortunately many people come to marriage counseling after a lot of damage has been done- so we all have hard work to do. This week we are trying to help people see signs that their relationship is in need of help before it is too late for the relationship to recover. If you find yourself struggling with some of these in your marriage, it maybe time to talk it through with one of our relationship experts.
Myth #3: “If my partner and I can just make more time to talk about our problems, it will solve all of our relationship issues”
Reality: There are several reasons why this statement isn’t true. First of all, though increasing communication in a relationship is imperative, it isn’t the only thing that is needed in order to improve the relationship. More of unhealthy communication only makes matters worse. If each individual isn’t aware of the unhealthy ways they are communicating with each other, it can become a circular pattern of never-ending conflict and pain. Secondly, how we communicate is more significant than how much- the amount of time spent talking isn’t nearly as important to the relationship as the quality of how people communicate.
Evaluate your relationships and make whatever life adjustments you feel are necessary. During a divorce, you might encounter many "Monday Morning Quarterbacks"... the people who feel like they need to give you advice on what you should have done differently, or those that might think you need to hear them repeatedly "bash" your soon-to-be-ex. Perhaps there are people around you that encourage you do things that are self-destructive (like trying to set you up on a date, thinking it will ease your transition period...
If you are reading this, there is probably a Congratulations in order?? Well congrats! Or you may be a parent or friend, reading this to pass along the information. Your child or friend will thank you later ;) So far we have learned of the importance of talking about expectations, roles and rules, and styles of love. Today we will talk about communication.
Anger is an extremely powerful emotion that can often consume people if it is not processed effectively. Many people allow things to build up over time. They hold grudges which brew under the surface. Hidden anger can have symptoms that many people might pass off as someone's personality or just having a bad day. But if you see many of these together for a long period of time, you may have some hidden anger that is controlling your life
In addition to what Teri, Tammy, and Natalie spoke about in their blogs, here are 3 additional tips for effective communication I see are helpful when working with couples:
Reducing defensive responses when your partner gives you constructive criticism, or when your partner shares how they are feeling about something going on in the relationship. When you become defensive and reactive, you create an unsafe environment for your partner to share their feelings.
As Natalie discussed yesterday in Part 4 of our blog series on forgiveness, it's important to try and hang onto forgiveness, once you have gone through the steps of the process. While she discussed some different ways you can make the commitment to forgiveness, what happens if you are struggling with this, and the memories continue to come back?