Have you heard someone say they suffer from abandonment issues? Most people think about adoption or being left on a door step as a child, but abandonment issues can be caused by many more life experiences.
As we have learned this week, anger is a healthy emotion, as long as it is channeled in a healthy way. Dealing with anger constructively can actually help our marriages become stronger-- and closer. In order to not allow anger to become destructive, it's important to learn how to deal with it effectively. Today, we will finish up with two more ways to deal with anger that can actually help you improve your marriage:
Freedom #5: To take risks in one's own behalf instead of choosing to be only "secure" and not rocking the boat. We have all probably been in a situation where we've had something bothering us, but have been too afraid to bring it up or make a change because of how this confrontation might effect things.
By now, you are aware of what "enmeshment" is and how to know if you are in an enmeshed relationship (see earlier blog posts this week). What are the dangers of being in an enmeshed relationship?
Loss of self. When you are in an enmeshed relationship, you lose your identity. You ultimately lose the parts of your "self" that made the other person fall in love with you to begin with!
The most important part of seduction is to communicate your desires to your partner. In addition, you need to allow your partner to communicate their desires to you as well. Oftentimes, our sex life becomes lazy the longer we are with our partner. You need to relay to your partner that you still want to please them, in order to avoid a rut. When you do find yourselves in a sexual rut, it’s often because life gets in the way. We have careers, children, bills to pay, a house to clean, etc. Sometimes these things can drain our energy during the day, and we don’t have the energy to “perform” in bed at night. However, when you have sex with spark, it is not an energy drain, but an energy boost!
Stop having the same sex! Seduce your partner, spice up your sex life. Try something or someplace new. Take it out of the bedroom or incorporate a new position, lingerie, or novelty. Try to recreate the sex that you had when you were first together.
Remember what turns your partner on-and do it! Make them feel desired and appreciated. Stop wearing that old nightgown or ripped T-shirt to bed. Put on something seductive and see what happens. Massage your partner’s back or neck. Put on a new perfume/cologne or light some sensual candles. Turn on some music and let it guide you.
Have sex at least twice a week. Make it a priority! When you put the time into it to make it more rewarding, it doesn’t feel like a chore. The key is to seduce your partner, not service them! Explore and communicate your own desires, and be enthusiastic to make your partner feel good. But most of all, have a blast!
Written by guest author Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy is a licensed therapist at Journey to Joy Counseling in Carmel, Indiana. She specializes in Individual Counseling, Couples/Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Family Counseling, and Teen/Adolescent Counseling.
This week, we are discussing the ever sought after goal of many of our clients— peace. Peace of heart, peace of mind, a peaceful home, peaceful relationships, or a peaceful work environment. The issues we see in our office that bring couples, families and individuals to therapy may vary, but underneath the presenting problem is usually the same core struggle: Whatever is going on in their life feels chaotic, unsettling, insecure, or just simply without peace.
As Rick Warren states, "One key to failure is to try to please everyone". Sound familiar? Many of us grew up in a home where we constantly tried to get the approval from our parents or other important people in our lives, only to feel like we constantly fell short of this. As adults, we might try to continue this cycle by trying to make everyone like us or think we are "good".
When we allow the expectations of parents, friends, teachers, peers, or other people to control our lives, we aren't fulfilling our true purpose in life. After all, other's opinions of us don't truly make us "good", even though it's nice to think other people hold us in a favorable light.
When we allow other's opinions of us to run our life and constantly seek the approval of others, we don't follow a path in life that gives us true joy and fulfillment. Other people may expect things from you that are not only unrealistic, but may not even be on your radar for what makes you happy. As Rick Warren also states, "Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it".
Does approval seeking drive your life? If so, stop and ask yourself what YOU need from your life to feel fulfilled and to feel truly connected to your purpose. If you are listening to the opinions of others over your own, you will miss your purpose and cause yourself unnecessary stress!
Source: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
Joleen Watson, MS, LMFT, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
As Teri shared yesterday, an inability to love ourselves extends to being unable to accept love from others. But where do we start? It's easier said than done, but there are manageable starting points for each of us. This week we're going to discuss ways that we can love ourselves. Some ways will apply and some will not.
This week we are reviewing different Christmas gift ideas for your significant other, based on the 5 Love Languages. Do you know your significant other's Primary Love Language? It could make a big difference this Holiday Season in your S.O. feeling appreciated and validated! Today we will review the last two Love Languages and gift ideas for each:
Why do people have trust issues? Most of us have been hurt at some point in our history. Some of us still have wounds from those hurts. It takes a lot of brave work to heal some of those wounds. When we have pain from lies, betrayals, disappointments, and abandonment that is not healed, that pain can cause a person to have real trouble trusting others and establishing intimacy.
Whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, each person in that relationship must be capable to have healthy intimacy for it to work out. Sometimes, we try to change other people to get our own needs met, so realizing that someone else might not be capable of what you are asking for, is important. This can help you let go of changing them and work on changing yourself and your expectations instead. Remember, you are worthy of the best that life has to offer!
"Lean on me! When you're not strong, I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on". You know the Bill Withers song... We do all need somebody to lean on! A basic human need is support. When we are children, we need support and encouragement to develop. As adults we need support to grow and flourish and live to our full potential.
All of us have basic needs that make us feel fulfilled in our lives. Some of these needs are critical to our survival as a child (such as safety and security), but also impact us later in life as adults, too. The bottom line is that everyone has needs, even if they have difficulty in letting other's see their "neediness".
This week, Imagine Hope is discussing what it means to be an introvert.
Some people assume that being an introvert means that you are shy. That is not necessarily true! Introverts can be very outgoing and sociable people. In fact, many times, introverts love people-- learning about others, doing things for others, and can be very loyal, caring and loving individuals.