Anxiety

What Does it Mean When You Have Abandonment Issues? Part 5

What Does it Mean When You Have Abandonment Issues? Part 5

Imagine Hope Counseling Group has been discussing abandonment issues this week. If you haven’t gotten a chance to read the earlier posts in this series, we encourage you to read

What Does it Mean When You Have Abandonment Issues? Part 4

This week, we are discussing abandonment issues, and the struggle that individuals with abandonment issues go through. Part 1 and part 2 describe abandonment issues, and part 3 begins to describe the stages that abandonment issues can take.

I want to reiterate what Tamara said, this is different than the normal stages of grief and loss. Everyone experiences these stages.

The abandonment we are discussing goes far beyond that. It pushes something in us that causes us to react to things differently than "normal" grief and loss would.

I am going to discuss 2 more stages today:

Withdrawl

This stage is much like withdrawal symptoms when someone stops using drugs or alcohol, or any addiction for that matter. It is the aching, longing, the craving to have that person back. They yearn for the person to come back. The needs they were filling are more readily noticed and the void feels huge! The same as an addict, you feel the loss of appetite, not being able to sleep, staying awake trying to figure out how to get them back. You feel the true loss and separation in this stage.

Internalizing

This is the most critical of the stages for 2 reasons:

1. You are very vulnerable. You are walking around with an open, gaping wound! You are susceptible to being hurt even worse because of your wound. If you latch on to someone at this stage, you could easily be taken advantage of and hurt even more deeply.

2. You beat yourself up during this stage, making you even more vulnerable. You bargain with yourself. "What if I would of? I should have, could have...". Because you are doubting yourself, your self-esteem is taking a beating. This makes you a target for someone to treat you bad and to get into a bad relationship- which could start the cycle over again.

It is important during the stages of withdrawl and internalizing that you understand what is going on. Get support from family and friends who will help you and support you. This is a great time to seek counseling as well.

Tomorrow Joleen will discuss our last 2 stages. Thank you for reading.

Adapted from "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson http://www.abandonment.net/

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

What Does it Mean When You Have Abandonment Issues? Part 3

What Does it Mean When You Have Abandonment Issues? Part 3

Abandonment, as we have discussed in part 1  and part 2 of this weeks blog series so far, is similar to grief.

With both, you experience a loss. However with grief, the more time that elapses, the intensity of the loss decreases. With abandonment, the difference is that the loss feels personal. The intensity of the loss does not decrease because it feels personal.

What Does it Mean When You Have Abandonment Issues? Part 1

What Does it Mean When You Have Abandonment Issues? Part 1

Many times, our clients feel confusion when the term “abandonment issues” comes up in therapy. After all, don’t we most commonly think of the literal term, “abandonment”, as being physically abandoned (like an infant who is left on a door step for someone to find) ?

So, what exactly are abandonment issues? 

The Five Freedoms: To Ask For What You Want

The Five Freedoms: To Ask For What You Want

Freedom #4: To Ask for What One Wants Instead of Always Waiting For Permission Many people struggle with telling people what they really want or need. They are afraid they will appear "needy" or not strong. Usually when someone grows up in a family where their needs were secondary or they were punished (emotionally or physically) for having needs, they grow up thinking they shouldn't (there's that word again!) have any needs.

The Five Freedoms: To Say

The Five Freedoms: To Say

Freedom #2: To Say What One Feels and Thinks Instead of What One Should Feel and Think There's that "Should" word again. Whenever you use the word "Should", you're placing judgement on something/yourself. "I Should feel this way" I Should think this way".....basically you're trying to talk yourself into CHANGING your feelings.

The Five Freedoms: To See And Hear

The Five Freedoms: To See And Hear

Virginia Satir was a pioneer in the therapy world in bringing amazing concepts to life to help individuals, families, and couples. She looked at the importance of the "experience" of life and how to make it a positive one. She connected the importance of our 5 senses and what impact they have on our experiences.

Secrets: The Difference Between Toxic and Healthy Secrets

Secrets:  The Difference Between Toxic and Healthy Secrets

So now you know what toxic and healthy secrets look like and how they impact your relationships… How do you know the difference between the two?  Here are some questions to ask yourself that might help you determine the difference:

How to Find Peace in Life Part 3

How to Find Peace in Life Part 3

This week, we are discussing the ever sought after goal of many of our clients— peace.  Peace of heart, peace of mind, a peaceful home, peaceful relationships, or a peaceful work environment. The issues we see in our office that bring couples, families and individuals to therapy may vary, but underneath the presenting problem is usually the same core struggle: Whatever is going on in their life feels chaotic, unsettling, insecure, or just simply without peace.

Tips for reducing stress in your life #4

Tips for reducing stress in your life #4

So, how many tips have you used this week to reduce stress in your life?  Looking for more?  Well, here they are!

  • Be optimistic
  • Visualize accomplishing your goals
  • Practice grace
  • Pray
  • Light candles

Tips for Reducing Stress in Your Life #1

Tips for Reducing Stress in Your Life #1

Stress comes in all forms and is an unavoidable part of life. Ideally the best thing would be to eliminate as much as you can, but when there is stubborn stress that keeps sticking around, there certainly are ways to cope with it. This week Imagine Hope wants you to look at these tips and pick several that seem doable to implement into your day to day life.

How Fear Affects Your Life: Family

How Fear Affects Your Life: Family

This week, Imagine Hope is honoring Halloween by discussing the different ways that (real) fear can have a negative impact on our lives.  

How does fear potentially impact our family system?

What to Do if You Are Loving Too Much Part 3

What to Do if You Are Loving Too Much Part 3

As we have been discussing this week, loving too much can be damaging to your relationships and to yourself. It can cause Depression, Anxiety, multiple relationships that don't work out, and burn out on life. If you haven't yet, please consider reading the earlier blogs from Monday- Wednesday to get an idea of what loving too much looks like and what to do if you are doing it.