Do you know the definition of insanity? We see it a lot in couples and individuals. It's what many of them need to remove from their life: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results! We are constantly amazed at how couples, and individuals for that matter, continually do the same things and are surprised when they don't get a different outcome. Particularly with couples, they will come in and insist on fighting, the same way they do at home, only in front of an audience that they are paying. I will persistently try over and over to teach them to have conflict in a different, more healthy, and productive way. But these couples have been doing this negative cycle for so long, they don't believe another way will work, or it's too difficult to change. They are comfortable being uncomfortable because it's all they have ever known.
We see this a lot with individuals who struggle with addictions. We identify their triggers, talk with them about the importance of the 12 Steps and recovery, and offer them a different, and yes difficult, way of doing things. Time and again, they believe they can keep doing what they are doing and get different results. It just doesn't work.
So what things in your relationship are not working but you keep doing over and over? What behaviors within yourself do you continue, expecting different results? Maybe it's time for a change!
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.