How To Ask For What You Want- 3

Re-think the concept of “respect” Like Tammy mentioned yesterday, sometimes we get held back by our own line of thinking or by cognitive distortions.  Some people are limited in asking for what they want because they feel it is selfish.  This often comes from a lack of self-respect.  You may feel unworthy, less important, or that your thoughts/opinions don’t matter.  You may also have a lack of respect for those around you, and not feel that they deserve to hear your opinions.  So how are you ever going to get what you want?

You have to redefine the idea of having respect for yourself and for others.  You are a worthy person, and you should have the ability to share your thoughts and opinions with others.  In addition, you need to show respect to others by being willing to share your wants and desires with them.  They deserve to hear them from you.

If these individuals don’t react the way that you wish, or they stick up for themselves, or they tell you “No”, you have to show them continued respect.  Your opinion is important, but so is theirs.

Look at each situation like this: you are not the authority who gets to decide what changes are made or whose needs are met.  You can adopt a perspective that every person has the right and the responsibility to express their opinions and needs, and then negotiation and compromise can take place if needed.  Have enough respect for yourself to express what you want, but also respect the rights of others in the process.


*Source: How to Ask for What You Want by Jane Herman

Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW

Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group.  Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling.  Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.

Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.