If you haven't read questions 1-18 yet, please go back and read them. These are excellent questions this week. 19. Would you ever consider having an affair? If either of you answered yes to this, get help immediately! That is a slippery slope to be considering that. Many people lie to themselves, justify affairs and believe they will actually HELP the relationship. This is a myth! If you really feel so confident that an affair will help, talk to your spouse about it. Get his/her permission first! And if by chance they give you the go ahead, get help immediately! Definitely something is wrong in the relationship that needs tended to.
20. Are you excited about your future together? Hopefully you share dreams together. It's important to live in the present but hope for the future. What do you plan to do when you grow old? What do you want to do for vacation this summer? Get excited and dream together!
21. Do you feel your relationship is a true partnership? If not, it's time to talk! Relationships should definitely be partnerships. Each partner needs to give and take, understanding each other's strengths and weaknesses. Try to utilize one partners strength where the other is weak. If a relationship feels like a parent/child relationship, there is a problem and some outside help might be needed. This can create various issues that we can save for another blog.
22. When was your last romantic outing? It is very important for couples to continue dating. Part of what you enjoyed about each other was the time you spent together...alone. Make it a priority to go out on a date at least once a month (more if you don't have kids!) and have "at home dates" after the kids go to bed. Turn off the tv, computers, phones and play a game, have a quiet dinner, or anything you do to relax ;)
23. Does it bother you if your partner has friends of the opposite sex and why? This question is tricky. It is so important to have good boundaries with friends of the opposite sex. If you don't, emotional affairs can start and sometimes even sexual affairs. It's important for you and spouse to decide on the boundaries. And it's even more important to talk about them if one of the boundaries is broken. This isn't being possessive. It's being accountable.
24. Do you accept each other's belief systems? People are much more flexible with people's belief systems before they get married. Usually it's because they think they can change it. It's important to not only respect other's beliefs but also to try to understand them and how it relates to your partner.
Hopefully these questions will get some conversations started with your partner. Thank you for reading. Check back tomorrow for the rest of the questions.
Source: "30 Questions to Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship" by Terez Williamson on tinybuddah.com
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville