What Kind of Unglued Are You? Exploder Who Blames Others: Like Tamara mentioned yesterday, you don’t have to be a yeller in order to be an exploder. An exploder can be someone who uses a particular, condescending tone, or knows just the right words to say to hit where it hurts.
Another type of exploder is one who blames others when they come unglued. Nothing is going right, and the next thing you know you are saying something along the lines of “If you did/didn’t do blah blah blah, we might actually be able to blah blah blah”. Sound familiar?
This exploder tends to struggle with coping with chaos, change, or anytime the planets don’t line up just right. Their emotional reactivity is always someone else’s fault, and they justify it accordingly. “If you had put your coat on the first time I asked you to, we wouldn’t be late, and I wouldn’t be angry at you”. You, you, you, you!
After they come unglued, they may feel better for getting all the emotion and “yuck” out. However, the high is only temporary--eventually they start to feel regret for the harsh words, blaming, and anger that they directed towards their spouse, family, friends, coworkers, etc. But, they will reject the regret by once again blaming someone else and justifying their actions, and the vicious cycle of blaming others continues.
Self-awareness is the first step in changing. Instead of blaming others for the decisions you make, take responsibility-own it-and make changes. Apologize when you need to, put yourself in check. Learn healthier ways to get your point across.
Check back tomorrow as we talk about the Stuffer Who Builds Barriers. Thanks for reading!
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.