The Exploder Who Shames Themselves: When we think of exploders, we tend to have a vision of a person that is loud, yelling and maybe even throwing things. This is definitely an exploder. But, there's also a different type of exploder.
Exploders don't have to be loud at all. They can be people who just have a "tone". You know what I mean? The tone that says, "You're not doing what I want, you're doing it in a wrong way, and oh buddy, are you gonna pay". Yeah, that tone. That condescending tone that makes you either have goosebumps or makes your blood pressure rise.
Generally exploders get set off when someone is rude to them, they feel offended or disrespected. They then believe they have to be stern back in order to make their point. Exploders feel entitled to be rude or stern back - I mean c'mon, the other person was rude first, right?
However, hours later or a day later, an exploder will beat themselves up and feel lots of shame for what they said or did in response. Their shame will say, "Wow, so-and-so would have never said that. They would have handled it so much better". Or, "You always lose your cool. When are you ever going to learn and get it together?". Better yet, "You're always going to be like this. You're always going to be at the mercy of your feelings".
Truth be told, those are all lies. Things can change. Beating yourself up will not result in change. Feeling convicted of doing something wrong is a good sign - just use it for good, not punishing yourself.
I have to admit, I'm an exploder who shames herself. For an example that describes a situation that fits this type of Unglued, read how I almost came Unglued by exploding - and how it played out: http://www.imaginehopecounseling.com/twblog
As Teri mentioned yesterday, you may fit into all the categories depending on the situation or relationship. Check back in tomorrow to read about The Exploder Who Blames Others. Thanks for reading!
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.