As therapists we see big issues in relationships start from a small mistake and grow into a bigger issue. Conquering the small issues is good prevention and protection for your relationship. This week each of us will pick out common mistakes we see couples make when working with them.
*Rug sweeping- Many couples will sweep issues under the rug instead of addressing them as a problem. People fear being a “nag” or complaining too much, but if done in the right way it can enhance your relationship. The biggest issue we see with this mistake is that couples will let their issue grow into a resentment, which leads a relationship to not feel emotionally safe.
*Expecting one hour a week in therapy to “make it all better”- Therapy is similar to going to the doctor when you are sick. It isn’t the doctor that makes you feel “better”. He just gives YOU the advice or medication for YOU to make yourself feel better. It is YOUR choice to go home and implement what the doctor told you to do. The same is true with therapy. If YOU don’t do the things your therapist suggests outside of your sessions, you are choosing to not take control of your “feeling better”.
*Not talking about work issues with your partner- Many people say, “I don’t want to take work home”. I understand the concept, but think about it; when you add up the hours in a week that we spend working compared to anything else, work is what we do most of our awake hours. So if we aren’t talking about work issues (struggles, joys, day to day happenings, etc.) then we are isolating our partner from one of the biggest parts of our life. This is a balancing act. You have to figure out what works best in your relationship, but sharing something and leaning on your partner about this area of your life in some way is important.
Read tomorrow for more common mistakes couples make!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.