Love Knot: The Judge

We all want to have our parnter be our biggest listener and support system when something is going wrong in life (and even when it isn't!).  But what happens when you feel as though the person who needs to be your biggest supporter isn't doing their "job"?  What if we haven't evenASKED them to be in this role, but we just expect it anyway, as a 'given'?

Today's "Love Knot" is when I tell you how I feel, you interrupt me, disagree with me, give advice, judge or dismiss my feelings... then I stop telling you and distance from you.

This is also known as "The Judge".

What can we do with our partner when we are entangled in the "judge" love knot?

Remember that if you want them to listen to you and hear you, you have to ask them.

Remember that it's not a gift to give advice or comments when the other person isn't asking for them (or if they've told you they don't want them).

Listen for deeper meaning in what your partner's telling you-- really listen to the information being presented without forming an automatic opinion.

Recognize that listening is truly the most important gift you can give to any relationship-- it means the difference between connection and disconnection with your partner.

Source:  "If You Really Loved Me..." by Lori Gordon

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.