Why Enmeshment is Unhealthy - Part 3

After reading the signs of being an enmeshed relationship, have you recognized that you may be in one?  Have you realized that you may have merged your identity with your partner's?  If so, here are some tips to end the enmeshment.

Be Self Aware. Remember who you are!  What were the good qualities you had before you became enmeshed?  What are your interests?  What are your values?  What are your likes and dislikes?  Remember who you are and go be it!  Your partner found you attractive as you were, before you gave up pieces of yourself. Being true to yourself, and being who you really are is a very rewarding quality!

Address Conflict. If you have a conflict with your partner, speak up about it!  Not all conflicts have to be ugly.  Conflict is a normal part of relationships and can a natural bonding opportunity. It is okay if you do not agree on everything.   You can address conflict in a gentle way.

Set Boundaries. Healthy boundaries include the ability to say no to your partner and the ability to be okay if your partner says no to you.  You are able to determine what is your problem versus what is your partner's problem.  You know your own wants and needs and communicate those. For example, if you prefer old school rock music and he likes Country music and has programmed all of your car radio stations to his favorite stations, you can speak up and let him know you are not a fan.  Set boundaries where you value your own opinion as well as everyone else's.  Make sure you are not compromising your values or morals to avoid rejection. Ask for help when you need it.

Create a Healthy Distance. Have you been spending all of your free time with your partner?  It is not advised to "put all of your emotional eggs in one basket".  Create and maintain a network of friends.  A strong social network is essential to being a well rounded person.  Spending time with friends and family is a good way to maintain your individuality.  Schedule time to spend with them without your partner.  Spend some time doing the things you used to like to do.  Make time for yourself every week.

Be sure to come back tomorrow when we discuss tips on how to not be an enmeshing person.  As always thanks for stopping by!

Guest post written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT