This week we are discussing ways we exit relationships. Most of the time these exits aren't actually us leaving physically but emotionally. Each day we have been talking about these exits. Please check out the previous blogs to read the ones prior to today.
We exit when we see you are in pain and we can't fix it
Many people feel uncomfortable with seeing others in emotional pain. That is normal. Usually it brings up "stuff" in us that we don't like to look at. Or we just may be a very compassionate person and feel bad when others do.
Either way, our natural instinct is to "fix it". And when we can't, it starts feeling uncomfortable. So many partners will check out emotionally when they see their partner is in pain and they can't do anything about it.
The real growth comes in just being present with your partner, staying there with them in their pain, and hearing them. Sometimes being there for them is sitting in their silence. That's ok, too (but very uncomfortable for most people who aren't Therapists!) Remember, you don't always have to do something to be there for them.
We exit when we want to say "no" or "yes" and neither was acceptable in childhood
Some people were not allowed to have a voice when they were young. What I mean by that is someone had power over them and they had to do what they wanted them to do. This could be thru abuse or even a subtle message that was given. Sometimes kids just know what they better say in order to keep the peace.
When this happened, they will struggle to have a voice in a relationship. So when they have not been saying what they are feeling or thinking and they can't take it anymore, they leave. Instead of talking about it, they exit. Either physically or emotionally exit.
It's important to learn to find your voice if you never had one. Everyone has the right to say no or yes when they want/need to. If this is your exit, you may leave but most likely you will continue this on into your next relationship.
Tomorrow we will learn about our final exits. Thank you for reading. Have a great day!
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.