Taking Care of Yourself Thru a Divorce Part 4

Going through a divorce is one of the hardest, most stressful times in a person's life. If you are going through one, our hearts go out to you. Navigating feelings among continuing to live every day life can feel very overwhelming, alone, and sad. Hopefully this week you will identify some ways to get your through a divorce. Today we will share 3 more. 

7. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and the loss of the DREAM of what you hoped for when you married this person

Talk to others, cry, wail, yell, moan, rip up whatever you need to- GET IT OUT! Then breathe and repeat as necessary until you can't stand doing it anymore! This is one of the most important yet painful parts of a divorce. But you must let yourself feel it and grieve it, in order to honor the grief process we all have within us.

Many people want to skip this part because it's so painful. Unfortunately, they either end up addicted to something to numb the pain or they run right into another relationship. Usually these relationships won't work out because of where the person is emotionally. Then they feel rejected, abandoned, and alone all over again. It's like wound on top of wound. So give yourself permission to grieve. Talk with others, especially those who have been thru it. They will understand your feelings.

8. Begin a new hobby

This may feel like a strange time to do this but it will actually help distract you a bit from your pain (some distraction is good, you need breaks in your processing) and it will help you build your confidence. Many times we put our careers or goals on hold when we start a relationship. This is a great time to really decide what you want to do and go for it. Remember- it doesn't have to be huge if you aren't up for it. It can be taking 15 minutes a day to do something- paint, exercise, learn to ride a bike, whatever you might choose. You can do it in small bits.

9. Realize that this will have a beginning and an end Sometimes when people go thru divorces, the pain is so deep they can hardly see what's ahead. Try to remember this is a season and it will pass. The pain will slowly fade, maybe not fully but it will be less. You will be stronger for going thru this. Prepare to forgive your spouse and yourself. Be willing to move ahead when the time feels right.

Remember, this is a process and it will pass. If you are going thru a divorce and you feel overwhelmed and alone, please call us for help. It's amazing the difference between people who get help, guidance, and a safe place to talk and those who go it alone. Thank you for reading this week and we will see you tomorrow.

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville