If you are reading this, there is probably a Congratulations in order?? Well congrats! Or you may be a parent or friend, reading this to pass along the information. Your child or friend will thank you later ;) So far we have learned of the importance of talking about expectations, roles and rules, and styles of love. Today we will talk about communication. To me, this is the most important one! If you can't communicate any of these things to your partner, what good will they do to know them? So listen up- this is REALLY important!
What are your communication styles? Can you say what you mean and understand what you hear from the other person? According to research by marriage and family Therapist John Gottman, four of the most destructive patterns in relationships are based on communication issues, and can determine the success of the marriage. These patterns are as follows:
Stonewalling: Where communication halts and one or both people use various tactics to derail the communication. Most commonly, it refers to one person remaing silent and refusing to answer a question or respond to the other during a conversation or dialog.
Destructive Criticism: A person is overly critical in a shaming manner to the other, constantly looking at and pointing out the negative in a shaming way. It can also show itself in the form of extreme rigidity that shuts the other person down where they quit sharing.
Defensiveness and Reactivity: This is usually a result of destructive criticism, especially in couples with communication that is already unhealthy.
Contempt: A lack of respect, accompanied by a feeling of intense dislike. It can also take form as a behavior, attitude, or a felling.
These are only a few of the communication issues that we see. They can have a drastic impact on the outcome of a marriage. Work on the communiation issues before getting married, as marriage won't fix them. You can only do that as a couple!
Getting married soon? Give the gift of premarital counseling to each other and make sure you start your marriage off on the right foot! Call 317-569-0046 to get started!
*Resources: Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts by Dr. Les Parrott & Dr. Leslie Parrott The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How to Make Yours Last by John Gottman
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville