Talks to Have Before Getting Married: Love Style

What is your partners's love style? Have you ever been with your partner and you feel like you are expressing a lot of love but your s/he does not seem to be getting it?  Perhaps you are not aware of his or her love style.  Many times in relationships, people are not always aware of the way they both give and receive love.  Do you know your love style?  Do you know your partners?

Picture this, you and your partner spend the day together.  You are side by side most of the day, but he seems to withdraw from you at the end of the day.  He says, "I feel distant from you".  You reply in dismay, "we spend all day together!"  You may be showing him love by giving him your quality time, but he may have a different way he receives love.  Do not assume you love your partner the way they need to be loved.  Perhaps in the above scenerio, the male parter needs to be spoken to with words  of love to feel loved!

A great tool for recognizing yours and your partner's  love style is the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  In the book, Chapman identifies modes of showing love like the following:

  • Words of Affirmation (saying I love you, you are important)
  • Quality Time (spending time together with little or no distractions)
  • Physical Touch (holding hands, high fives, sensual touch)
  • Gifts (buying trinkets, flowers)
  • Acts of Service (doing a chore for your partner

Love styles are constantly changing and evolving and needs to be adapted accordingly.  At one point in your marriage, you may need spontaneous acts of physical touch, while later you may need help with the housework to feel loved and appreciated.  Make a commitment to constantly reevaluate your love styles and communicate them to each other in a non threatening, non shaming way.

Please continue to check in with Natalie and Joleen all week for more questions to ask before you get married.  As always, thanks for reading.

*Resources: Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts by Dr. Les Parrott & Dr. Leslie Parrott & The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT

Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT  is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapyfamily counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield