Distorted Symptoms of a Codependent- Resentment

Teri did a great job yesterday describing Codependency. If you find yourself relating to our blog this week, we encourage you to get more information on Codependency. Two resources are Codependent No More by Melody Beattie or Facing Codependency by Pia Mellody. Resentment

One aspect of codependents is the need to punish others in their life for the wrongs they perceive have been done to them. When growing up, it's common for children to feel vulnerable in a healthy way. However, people who grow up codependent most likely grew up feeling either too vulnerable (maybe to the point of feeling out of control) or feeling invulnerable (immune to being attacked).

As this person grows up, it will be hard for them to set boundaries. Either boundaries for this person will be very fluid, meaning they will be almost non-existent which allows others to get too close. Or, the boundaries will be very firm and strict, hardly allowing anyone to get close at all. With either scenario, resentment will be the outcome. With non-existent boundaries, a person will feel taken advantage of and resentment will be an end result. With firm and strict boundaries, a person will feel isolated and lonely, leading to resentment as well. As a parent, the codependent will have a hard time respecting the boundaries of their children. Thus possibly continuing the cycle into another generation.

If you find yourself relating to Resentment, please realize there is a middle ground. You can have boundaries and be vulnerable at the same time. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Instead of focusing on what others are doing wrong, try to communicate what you need. Thank you for reading, please check back in for more dysfunctional symptoms of codependency this week.

Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC

*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling  at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.