This week we are writing about why your wife might be struggling with her attraction to her husband-- and why she is unhappy in your marriage. As we stated last week, we understand this isn't the case in every marriage and we are making generalizations. We are simply basing this on things we hear most wives state they are unhappy with in their marriage, and the things that can destroy her attraction to her husband.
Not Connecting Emotionally
Women are wired for relationships. It's how we were made and how we relate. We love to connect with friends, with our kids, and definitely with our husbands. Although connection can look very different for different people, in general women connect through communication. They like to tell stories, listen to stories, talk about how they feel about the stories, and to know how you feel about the stories. Get the idea?
With this comes the need for validation when she is struggling. A husband may not agree with what she is saying or feeling but if he can validate that he is listening and hears her, it will go a long way. Empathy is a must for connection. When someone feels heard and understood, they feel empathy. And empathy connects people.
Unfortunately, when a husband does not communicate with his wife she feels very alone. I hear this a lot from women. They feel lonely. Usually it's because they don't feel heard, validated, or that their husband has empathy for them when they need it. It's hard for the husbands to hear that the wife feels lonely. She's in a house full of people! But it's that connection with him she is longing for.
When Husbands Don't Lead
As much as women like to feel independent and their own person, most of them still want their husbands to lead. When the husbands fail to lead the family it can feel out of balance and unnatural for the woman. When all of the responsibility and decisions rest on her shoulders, she can again feel isolated and alone.
Men can lead by initiating responsibilities and taking them on. They can lead by helping with important decisions like child care, house roles and simply by leading a date night. At every woman's heart is a desire to be pursued. There is something about leadership that feels like pursuit to a woman.
Hopefully this blog is helpful to the majority. Again, we know this isn't in every case and some people may feel this isn't the case in their marriage. We get that. Thank you for reading anyway. Please share with someone you may feel can relate to it.
Tomorrow Joleen will share more ways we see women struggle with their marriage, and the things that impact their attraction to their husband. Thank you for reading!
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC, LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.