We exit a relationship when we feel the ancient feeling of being trapped. Our fight or flight or freeze responses can be traced back to our ancient human days. When we were trapped, we could be attacked or eaten by a saber tooth tiger! Today, however, we are talking about feeling trapped.
Some people feel the flight response when their partner gives them ultimatums or like there is no way to please their partner or when they are bound to lose or fail their partner. The benefit we have over our ancient ancestors is we are not in danger of being trapped and eaten by a saber tooth tiger. We can think through our exit response when we feel trapped.
When we feel like withdrawing, we can figure out what is making us feel trapped and address it like a modern day man or woman. We exit when we are tempted to be vulnerable and vulnerability can be dangerous! This one is a big one, especially for anyone with Perfectionism or Shame. It is not in our nature to want to be vulnerable. Again, thanks to these tendencies, our ancestors survived as the fittest humans. But being physically and emotionally vulnerable are two different things. Partners who like the illusion of control have a difficult time feeling vulnerable.
Vulnerability opens the door to pain, disappointment, judgement, feeling shame and failure and abandonment. However, without vulnerability, you can have no real connections. Not with anyone. You have to risk vulnerability to achieve any connections with a living person. If you are the type of person who shuts down when someone else "gets too close," you may struggle in this area. But if you want a human relationship, you will have to come to come to terms with your humanity.
Please come back tomorrow to read more about Exits. As always, thanks for stopping by!