We're continuing our discussion this week (of a two-part series from last week) on why our spouses are not attracted to us. Last week with addressed wives. This week we're talking to husbands.
We wrote this blog in response to common marital complaints we hear repeatedly in our office. We pray this can help others prevent the same hurts within their marriages.
She Feels Unprotected
First and foremost, we are not speaking of physical protection. What we're talking about is feeling emotionally protected.
When a wife feels emotionally protected by her husband, she knows that he will do whatever he can to protect her heart. He will stand up for her, even if it means he looks like the bad guy....to his family, to his friends, to her family....to anyone. He will not let anyone speak ill or condescending of her. He protects her heart in the same way he would protect her body from a bullet. It is his role to shield her heart. He stands up for her emotional boundaries with others and asks others to respect those boundaries.
Please understand we're speaking in a healthy general sense here, and are not saying a husband should protect boundaries of a wife that he ethically, morally, or spiritually disagrees with.
Her Heart Feels Unheard
We hear many wives say they feel "unheard" by their husbands. Many times they're referencing moments in conversation with their husband when they share what they're feeling and it's met with comments similar to "That's not what I meant" or "Can't we move past this", or "Not this topic again".
Defensiveness, stonewalling and dismissiveness toward a wife will shut her down and eventually make her quit sharing her heart with her husband. Once a wife stops sharing her heart and thoughts and feelings with her husband, the marriage has entered the danger zone. She has either emotionally checked out of the marriage or is in jeopardy of sharing her heart with someone other than her husband. (I'm not saying this is ok, I'm just saying this is what may happen).
Husbands, if you find yourself feeling defensive/changing the subject/dismissing your wife when she shares her thoughts or feelings with you, please stop and figure out why this is YOUR gut reaction. Try to imagine what it would be like to share personal, important information and the response back to you was "Oh, not this again!"
Our responses toward people reveal more about ourselves than it reveals about the other person. Please keep that in mind. We have several more reasons why wives lose attraction in marriage. Please keep checking back in this week. Thank you for reading!
Written by: Tamara Portee MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.