How do you know if you're caught up in an emotional affair? Today we're going to talk about what an emotional affair looks like. If you find yourself doing any of the following, then you might be involved in an emotional affair.
This week, we are discussing how we can help raise our children to become resilient-- also known as adaptable, confident, and able to adjust well to life's ups and downs. We have learned what resilience is, how to teach and mold a child to be resilient, as well as how emotional resiliency is learned through the naming and expression of feelings.
This week we are talking about the importance of creating resiliency in our children. One of the most important ways we can do this is by teaching out children about boundaries. Children need structure and routine. These provide kids with a sense of safety, security, and stability. Providing your children with a supportive, nurturing and safe environment helps them thrive, but it also provides them with a solid foundation that can be drawn upon when dealing with life stressors.
Yesterday we went over the characteristics of resilient children. Two of these characteristics are that a resilient child has learned how to problem solve and has been allowed to experience failure.
The Power of Failure
Failure can help a child (and an adult) develop an identity. Oftentimes we desire for children to have high self-esteem and see themselves in a good light. While this sentiment is well-intentioned, it can be misguided. Let me explain.
This week, we are discussing abandonment issues, and the struggle that individuals with abandonment issues go through. Part 1 and part 2 describe abandonment issues, and part 3 begins to describe the stages that abandonment issues can take.
I want to reiterate what Tamara said, this is different than the normal stages of grief and loss. Everyone experiences these stages.
The abandonment we are discussing goes far beyond that. It pushes something in us that causes us to react to things differently than "normal" grief and loss would.
I am going to discuss 2 more stages today:
This stage is much like withdrawal symptoms when someone stops using drugs or alcohol, or any addiction for that matter. It is the aching, longing, the craving to have that person back. They yearn for the person to come back. The needs they were filling are more readily noticed and the void feels huge! The same as an addict, you feel the loss of appetite, not being able to sleep, staying awake trying to figure out how to get them back. You feel the true loss and separation in this stage.
This is the most critical of the stages for 2 reasons:
1. You are very vulnerable. You are walking around with an open, gaping wound! You are susceptible to being hurt even worse because of your wound. If you latch on to someone at this stage, you could easily be taken advantage of and hurt even more deeply.
2. You beat yourself up during this stage, making you even more vulnerable. You bargain with yourself. "What if I would of? I should have, could have...". Because you are doubting yourself, your self-esteem is taking a beating. This makes you a target for someone to treat you bad and to get into a bad relationship- which could start the cycle over again.
It is important during the stages of withdrawl and internalizing that you understand what is going on. Get support from family and friends who will help you and support you. This is a great time to seek counseling as well.
Tomorrow Joleen will discuss our last 2 stages. Thank you for reading.
Adapted from "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson http://www.abandonment.net/
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
With both, you experience a loss. However with grief, the more time that elapses, the intensity of the loss decreases. With abandonment, the difference is that the loss feels personal. The intensity of the loss does not decrease because it feels personal.
Many times, our clients feel confusion when the term “abandonment issues” comes up in therapy. After all, don’t we most commonly think of the literal term, “abandonment”, as being physically abandoned (like an infant who is left on a door step for someone to find) ?
So, what exactly are abandonment issues?
This week's blog is a very emotional and devastating one-- sexual abuse. Many people grow up holding all in of the pain, shame, and fear that sexual abuse has caused them. Our hearts go out to you if you are one of the many who struggle with the internal dilemma of disclosure and healing. Today we will discuss Forgiveness, Spirituality and Resolution.
This week Teri and Tamara have helped us understand what Sexual Abuse is and how to begin to heal. Healing from wounds can happen at various times and at different rates for many people. The most important part is knowing what you are healing from. Healing from Sexual Abuse takes time, the desire to want to heal, hope, patience, and the ability to ask for help. Sexual Abuse creates deep wounds that are often ignored, masked, or buried. But they will be there until they are addressed and properly healed.
As we talk about healing from sexual abuse this week, if this starts to stir up emotions for you, please talk to someone with whom you trust and feel safe. Beginning to deal with memories and suppressed feelings can throw your life into chaos. Remember this is only a stage and it won't last forever. This emergency stage is a natural part of the healing process and there will be a time when the sexual abuse isn't what you think about all the time (we promise!!!).
Sexual Abuse unfortunately is an issue that is more common than most think. Here at Imagine Hope we help people heal through the pain to get to a place of freedom from this horrible victimization. This week we will educate our readers on the stages of the healing process so that you or a loved one knows what to expect when embarking on this journey. Please make sure you get help for yourself or a loved one if you have been a victim. Getting professional help to guide you is important even if it has been 20 years since the abuse occurred. We see clients often who experience healing at all points in life. You deserve to heal from this pain- it wasn't your fault.