Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity, by Shirley P. Glass Don't let the title of this book deceive you-- while it's an amazing book for those who are healing, it's not just a book for those recovering from infidelity... It's a book that I recommend almost ALL couples in my practice (and personal life) read. Why? Shirley Glass talks about the 'slippery slope' of how infidelity occurs, and that is a surprising thing for most people. Most individuals believe that your marriage has to be in total shambles for it to be suseptible to an affair, which couldn't be further from the truth. Glass talks about how we make ourselves vulnerable to infidelity by having poor boundaries with members of the opposite sex. She also guides the reader in what to do about that, and, in essence, how to affair-proof your marriage.
One of the points she makes in her book is that an affair doesn't have to be sexual for it to be an affair. People often times feel like they are crazy for being uncomfortable with their spouse's opposite sex friendships (often because their spouse is telling them it's not a big deal, since it's not a physical relationship). People with seemingly benign friendships are also susceptible to emotional affairs-- and emotional affairs are just that... they are affairs! Glass talks about how it isn't the sexual or nonsexual contact between affair partners, but the aspect of betrayal and secrecy that is so devastating.
One of the most common questions that I get asked by couples healing from infidelity is: Why did this happen? Shirley Glass comes closer to any other author I have read in explaining how an affair takes place. She talks about how affairs don't typically start off intended to be affairs, but rather how the "slippery slope" of infidelity takes place.
Another plus-- her book is grounded in research, which is a great thing! If you are recovering from an emotional (or sexual) affair in your marriage, or if you simply want to better understand how important it is to have clear boundaries in your marriage to help affair-proof your marriage, PLEASE read this book! You won't regret it!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.