If you haven't read Teri's guest blog yesterday on the statistics of affairs, please read it. The stats are alarming, depressing, sad and scary. It's easy to spiral and think, "It's only a matter of time before this happens to me!" Remember, there ARE marriages that don't have infidelity.
How do you know which category your marriage will fall under? Below are some signs that show who is at risk for an affair. This is not scientifically sound; this is to be used as a tool to assess whether your marriage is at risk:
- Either of you sweep issues under the rug/arguments never seem to get resolution
- Either of you had parents who had extramarital affairs in your childhood
- Either of you are involved in pornography
- Either of you keep secrets in any area of your relationship (regarding money, where you spend your time, who you are with, hiding your phone, etc...)
- Either of you have "facebooked" (any kind of social media) old flames/old lovers
- Either of you feel alone in your marriage, and feel unable to share your fears & deepest feelings with your spouse.
- Either of you have the tendency toward compulsive/addictive behavior (toward food, work, spending, alcohol, other drugs, gambling, etc...)
- Either of you have experienced the loss of a loved one within the last year
- Either of you have suffered a major stressor within the last year (job loss/demotion, medical/heath problem, move/relocation, birth of a child, any trauma)
- Either of you are having conversations with the opposite sex that you do not have with your spouse, or are talking about your spouse/marriage problems with a member of the opposite sex.
- Either of you feel "unheard" or disrespected by the other one in the marriage. You feel invisible.
If you identify with several of the above listed examples, we would encourage you to seek professional help for your marriage. To know how to Affair Proof your marriage, or how to Heal from Infidelity, keep reading as Natalie & Joleen tackle these two topics at the end of this week. Thanks for reading!
Written by: Tamara Portee MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.