Once you've discovered all the areas of your life where boundaries apply, the next step is to figure out what you personally need. Figuring out what boundaries you need will vary and change depending on the different relationships you have in your life. There will be different boundaries in your romantic relationships than there will be in your friendships and in your family relationships.
Ask yourself how much time would you like to spend in these various relationships? How much alone time do you need? How much touch feels appropriate to you? Do you like the tone of voice/line of questioning that takes place in the relationship? Is the respect level being met in these various relationships?
Again, for each relationship, these questions may change. You may feel more comfortable with hugging a family member, but may not feel comfortable hugging a friend or acquaintenance.
Remember that each of us have different boundary lines - what may seem appropriate to you may not be appropriate to someone else, and vice versa. This does not mean that someone is right or wrong, it means that we need to find a way of respecting each other's personal boundaries.
If you find yourself getting the feedback from others that they find it hard to connect/get close to you, or you're getting the feedback that you share too much too soon, then you might want to seek therapy to establish more appropriate boundary setttings. Creating a healthy level of intimacy without exposing too much of yourself too soon and without keeping others shut out for too long can be a challenge for some individuals. Therapy can help you find that healthy balance.
The rest of the week we'll be going over many other key points to setting boundaries. Thank you for reading!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.