Stop hoping for "mind readers" How often do you hear your partner or someone close to you say, "I can't read your mind!" This is a common occurrence in our office when we are working with couples.
All of us have a separate life that no one else is privy to: our thought life. We have thousands of thoughts all day long, often leading to conversations with ourselves in our minds. It is important to remember that no one else can hear these conversations! I know that may seem obvious but I think, with so many thoughts going around in our head sometimes, it can be challenging to remember that we haven't actually shared our thoughts with our partners. Yet, we often will expect them to know them.
It is important- no it's VITAL- to share what we want and need in our relationships. When we don't, then we let go of our responsibility of getting what we want and need and place it on the other person. It isn't healthy to put that responsibility on them. Most people are going to give you what they think you want and need (if you don't tell them), which is usually what they would want, not you! I would venture to say 9 out of 10- times it isn't a match and you will NOT get what you were hoping for.
I'm amazed at the transformation I can see with couples with this small remembrance: No one can read your mind!
I hope this helps. Tomorrow Joleen will give us skills for asking in a way others can hear you. You won't want to miss that one!
Thank you for reading and have a GREAT week!
*Source – How to Ask for What You Want by Jane Herman Written by Natalie Chandler
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville