We continue our talk about things that can get in your way of asking for what you want and becoming a better communicator. You are afraid of how others will react to what you want to ask for
Too often we play out conversations in our head of how someone will react to us if we ask them for something. Does this ever happen to you? You may want something extremely important (extra time with someone, help watching your children, time by yourself, etc...) and when you think about asking for it, you believe you know how the other person is going to emotionally react or respond. The problem with this is that we are often wrong in our predictions - this is exactly what they are, predictions. We do not know how someone is going to react to us 100% of the time. As a result of doing this behavior, you may talk yourself out of asking for something and convince yourself you won't get it.
You believe "I shouldn't have to ask"
Too many people believe this statement! It couldn't be further from the truth. This statement is based in an irrational belief system that our loved ones can read our minds. Or, believe things that are obvious to us are just as equally obvious to them. Some believe it's degrading to ask for things you want/desire/need. Holding on to this belief will keep you from asking for these exact things. Reframe your thought processes to an understanding that if your loved ones don't know your needs, then they have no idea how to help fulfill them (no matter how obvious it may seem to you).
Please check back in tomorrow as we have more roadblocks to cover.
*Source: How to Ask for What You Want by Jane Herman
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.