It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that because someone doesn't remember something, that it is not important to them. It is even more difficult to not take it personally when it's our partner. Think about how often people (outside of our significant relationships) don't remember our names, our birthdays, or other things we have told them before. We tend to let those go more easily. It's just "part of life". But when it's our partner- OUCH! We think it's personal. It's important to offer the same grace to them that we offer to others. Here are some things that might help you do that:
1. Realize your expectations are unrealistic.
If you believe your partner should remember everything you've told them, you are being unrealistic. We are all torn in different directions- between work, raising families, surviving economic difficulty, and various other challenges. We are all distracted. Keep your expectations realistic.
2. Get your partners attention.
Let your partner know that what you are talking about is very important to you. Ask them if they could please put the ipad down, look at you and discuss something for a second. I have found that this saves time and arguments in the long-run. Especially if you let your partner know ahead of time that this is something you would like to work on. Let them know that you would like to start helping them be aware when you want to discuss something that you need them to remember. This will give them a heads up, rather than feeling frustrated in the moment.
3. Don't take it personally!
Remember- if they forget something, it's not a reflection of how they feel about you. It's more a reflection of how much they have on their mind.
These are great reminders to us all. Please follow up tomorrow with our last "love knot" from Joleen. Thank you for reading and enjoy your week.
Source: “If you really loved me…” by Dr. Lori Gordon
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville