Lying and Trust Issues Part 3

Why do people have trust issues? Most of us have been hurt at some point in our history.  Some of us still have wounds from those hurts.  It takes a lot of brave work to heal some of those wounds.  When we have pain from lies, betrayals, disappointments, and abandonment that is not healed, that pain can cause a person to have real trouble trusting others and establishing intimacy. Relationships where there are trust issues can experience challenges.

Trust is a feeling that humans need to establish connections to others.  It is an essential part of our humanity.  Its okay to wonder who to trust, or be cautious in trusting.  That has probably served you well in keeping you safe!  But we all have to trust someone.  When we cannot establish trust with anyone, unhappiness is sure to follow.

Are you protecting yourself from disappointment?  Has someone disappointed you?  Have you had great expectations of a friendship, romance, or family relationship only to be let down? These feelings can cause us to develop trust issues.  We like to believe that if we armor up, we can make ourselves invincible. However, while that armor may help protect us from pain, it also prevents us from feeling joy.  We cannot simply numb our pain.  When we numb, we numb all of our feelings.

Are you protecting yourself from betrayal?  Perhaps you have been betrayed in your past. Perhaps someone has caused you great pain by lying to you or hurting you. Feeling betrayed can make us feel vulnerable and feel the need to armor up.   But remember, that armor only prevents you from feeling anything at all.  You cannot feel joy or connection with all of that protection.

Are you protecting yourself from abandonment?  In your life, someone may not have shown up for you like you needed.  This may have caused feelings of abandonment.  When people are not there for us like we expected or needed, it makes it difficult to let others do so who are willing and able.  That same armor gets in the way of others getting close, or allowing you to feel close to others.  Fear of abandonment creates trust issues.

Please come back tomorrow when Natalie talks about how to rebuild trust!  You can feel, trust, connect again.  As always, thanks for stopping by!

Guest post written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT