Why Does He Do That?, by Lundy Bancroft is a straightforward book about being in an abusive relationship and abusive men. Bancroft challenges the myth that abusive men are "out of control" and "don't know what they are doing", by describing clear-cut patterns of behavior. He also challenges the myth that even some therapists can fall prey to: blaming his behavior on his past. While most abusers come from a family of origin that is filled with dysfunctional family dynamics, Bancroft describes (from his own experience in counseling with abusive men) how most abusers are well aware of what they are doing and have predictable patterns.
This book teaches that it's not external influences that create an abuser-- it's not because he had a bad day or that he is stressed about money or his job or any other excuse-- it's a problem with his fundamental value system he has about women.
This blog (and book) isn't about bashing men-- it's about the serious nature of truly abusive relationships and how to handle the situation if you are a woman who is experiencing an abusive relationship. Being in an abusive relationship can truly feel like "crazy making", and Bancroft's book is a must-read for anyone in this situation who is needing guidance.
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.