As Teri introduced yesterday, boundaries are essential in relationships, and are what keep us feeling safe and secure. Boundaries are designed to keep the good in, and keep the bad out. Setting personal boundaries is a vital part of healthy relationships & is not possible without direct & honest communication.
Emotional/Intellectual Boundaries- these areas of boundaries protect our feelings and our intellect. Our emotional boundaries include how we allow others to treat us, whether our emotions are respected & honored, and how we treat others in return. This area of boundaries is also about protecting how others talk to us individually (name calling/put downs), & whether our ideas and perceptions are considered and listened to by others (are our ideas dismissed or ignored).
Examples of a boundary violation of someone telling us we're wrong for feeling a certain way sounds like this: "Oh, don't get upset about that. If you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about!" Or, if we do the same to someone else the violation would sound like this: "Things could be so much worse! I don't know why you're so upset about this!"
On the other hand, setting a boundary might sound like: "When you make fun of my suggestions for date night, I feel dismissed and hurt. Please stop & take my opinions more seriously". OR, "It feels disrespectful when you call me names during arguments. I will be in the next room until you're able to talk to me in a respectful way".
Remember, we cannot stop people from crossing our boundaries, and we cannot expect every situation to be ideal, but WE always have options on how to respond to the violations. Relationships flow much better with boundaries in place.
Keep reading as Natalie & Joleen discuss Spiritual & Sexual boundaries in the coming days.
Written by: Tamara Portee MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.