Parenting a teenager can feel like a roller coaster! A few weeks ago we shared good info about out of control teen behaviors, but this week we want to look at things parents do that can damage your relationship with your teen. In Scott Sell's book, "Parenting Your Out Of Control Teenager", he shares 5 toxic behaviors that can poison your relationship with your teen. Regardless of what age your children are, we hope you will be able to use this information to better your parenting skills and keep a healthy connection with your kids!
Toxic Behavior #1: Bringing Up the Past
Do you forgive your child for bad choices? Do you forget them or remind your child of it every time there is conflict?
It is hard to forgive and forget, especially when there is a long history of pain. But reminding your child of their mistakes over and over will do nothing good in your relationship with them.
When you bring up the past, a child feels they can't win and might give up trying to change. If trust never gets regained and you always look at them as the mistakes they make, they might feel like love and acceptance will not happen and not feel your support in their ability to change.
Of course you can't forget the mistakes, just make sure you don't talk about them as punishment and criticism. As your child makes positive changes, try to focus on how far they have come- not how bad they were before. Hearing only the negative can make them feel deflated.
If this is hard for you to change, ask for accountability from your child or spouse. Sells suggests having them make a cutting motion across their neck as a sign that you are starting down the "past path". This can help you catch yourself and start to make change on talking about the issue going on right now.
I know I wouldn't want someone to only judge me from my past behaviors, so why do that to our kids? Strive towards a closer relationship with your kids today by letting go of the past and focusing on the present and the future!
Check back tomorrow for Toxic Behavior #2!
*Source: Parenting Your Out Of Control Teenager by Scott Sells
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.