Myth #6- True Love is Selfless Many people have this myth in their minds and it can be dangerous. Yes, selfish is not good if we are all consuming and taking without ever giving or thinking of others.
But many of us, particularly mothers and caregivers, are not selfish enough. We often don't take care of our own needs because we are caring for everyone else. This can be negative for two reasons- ~We often become drained and feel "empty"
~We get resentful of others for not "meeting our needs".
When we feel drained and empty, it is more difficult for us to pour out onto others what they actually need. Think of a mother with very young kids who doesn't take care of herself physically. It is difficult for her to have the energy needed to love and care for them when she's not caring for herself (eating well, getting enough rest etc.)It is important to be selfish enough to care for ourselves, too.
As for getting resentful, when we don't allow others to help or love us/meet our needs, we become angry and bitter at them for not doing so. Anger and resentment creates problems in relationships and in our health. Many times anxiety and depression are related back to people not taking care of themselves and not asking for/letting others help. Not always, but sometimes.
It's important when we feel resentment to make sure we are asking for help and letting others help us.
Many people say they are just natural "givers". That is great- it is a great gift to have! But even if we are natural "givers", it is important to let others give to us as well. Sometimes it can be difficult to let others help or realize the importance that it gives them to help. Many people want to give in order to help or feel the good feelings that come with giving/helping. If we don't allow them to, we rob them of the gift of giving.
This is when it is okay for love to be selfish- when we ask others for help and actually allow them to help us. It provides them an opportunity to help and gives us the opportunity for a break.
Tomorrow Joleen will share with us other Myths about Love. Thank you for reading and have a great week!
Source: “I Never Knew I Had A Choice” by Gerald Corey
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville