Are you parenting teenagers? Have you lost total control because of their behaviors? Do you resist taking back control because you are scared of what they might do? According to Scott Sells book, "Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager", these teen behaviors are called "Aces". They range from mild behaviors to severe. This week we are going over Sells "7 Aces" and help you understand how your teen is thinking when engaging in some of these negative behaviors in order for you to combat them well.
Teens may be smarter manipulators then you think. They understand that you are scared of not being liked, that they could hurt themselves, or that they might runaway when you push too hard when setting consequences.
Knowing about a parent's fears gives the teen power in the relationship. If they aren't getting their way, all they have to do is threaten one of the 7 Aces, and they win.
To regain control, a parent needs to create a consequence that will cause such a negative taste in their mouth that they are willing to give up all the power and freedom they get from a threat of an ace to avoid the consequence. This re-balances the power in the relationship, and allows you to be a parent again.
Keep reading this week about each of the 7 Aces ranging from being disrespectful to threatening suicide. The more you understand what your teen is thinking, the better equipped you will be to deal with it. Remember YOU are the parent and should have more power than your kids!
Source: Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager by Scott Sells
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.