Don't ya just love teens? Especially one who's testing the boundaries? Scott Sells book, Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager, can help you love them even more. He teaches you as a parent realize YOUR part in the process, and not just focus on what your teen is doing wrong. Reason #2 Not Keeping Up with Your Teen's Thinking
Ever been bamboozled by your teen? You think you came up with the perfect punishment or consequence, only to find out they found a loophole? Defeating isnt' it? How does this happen? Teens (unlike adults), have lots of time on their hands to run through all sorts of scenarios in their minds of how to get out of consequences and how to find a loophole. They're 2 steps ahead.
What does this mean for you as a parent? Be 3 steps ahead! Think of all the ways they can find a loophole in your consequence & cover that when you talk about the punishment. Even create back-up plans for every "what-if" situation that may arise with your teen.
Reason #3 Button-Pushing
When teens want to get out of consequences, or responsibilites for that matter, they'll push your buttons. They have an internal sense that let's them know what is exactly going to get on your nerves. They know how to get a parent frustrated and angry, which gets the parent off their "game". Maybe your teen uses things you feel insecure about, such as saying, "Why should I have to listen to you? You're hardly ever here!" Or, "Sure, ask me to do that, you're not doing it because you're lazy and out of shape".
Parent's don't think clearly when they're angry or frustrated, and out-of-control teens know if they can push you to this point, your judgment will be off. When your judgment's off, you're more likely to back down or not follow-thru with consequences. As a parent, if you're angry, you're also not able to remain calm and collected, often engaging in an argument with your teen. What's the result? You reduce your own emotional age equal to that of your teen!
It's hard to stay sharp, collected and calm while parenting, but remember, you're a model to your teen as well. If you'd like more information on each of these 7 reasons this week, we encourage you to get the book by Scott Sells, Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager. Thank you for reading!
***Adapted from "Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager" by Scott Sells pages 12-13
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.