What To Do if You Are Loving Too Much Part 4

So far, have you used any of this week's blog post suggestions to help with your relationship with yourself?  Or, maybe you are wondering "How can you love someone too much?"... I mean, isn't that what we are supposed to be doing? Loving others with all we have? 

This week, Imagine Hope discusses what it means to "Love too much" in a relationship-- which is basically where you love others to the point of losing (sacrificing, or giving away) your healthy identity and self-worth.  

As we discuss a lot on our blog posts, having good relationships with others is very important, but it's just as important to have a good relationship with your self.  Working on this isn't selfish, it's taking care of yourself!  And as we know, we can't take care of the people who are appropriately depending on us (like our children), if we don't know how to take care of ourselves...  Furthermore, we shouldn't be taking care of others who can take care of themselves, anyway! So, keep reading and keep using this week's tips on how to start loving yourself a little more!

Work on valuing your own serenity and peace of mind above all else

Have you ever noticed that many of the people in your life have constant chaos and drama in their day to day world?  Perhaps they try and draw you into the chaos and that creates chaos in your own life?  Or maybe there is always a "crisis" or something going "wrong" in their life that they try to pull you into by "venting" to you, or asking you to do things you feel uncomfortable with.  This could be coming from family members, friendships, or dating relationships.  If this is happening, you might be valuing other's peace and serenity over your own.  This is part of "loving too much". 

Or, maybe the people around you tell you that you have constant drama and chaos in your own life?  Perhaps they tell you that you always seem to be engaged in situations that are a "crisis" or messy and chaotic-- that things never seem to be just "okay" in your life, or that you seem to consistently have something going "wrong" with some aspect of your life.  Some people actually seem to enjoy having the constant drama in their life.  It keeps them from having to look at their own emotional pain and life situation and doing something about it.  Either way, to work on becoming healthier, stop inviting chaos, drama, and constant struggles in your relationships with others

Remember... in our relationships, people can only do what we ALLOW them to do! 

Work on protecting yourself by setting boundaries with others.  This doesn't mean that you never listen to them or that you can't be there for them-- it means that when you are there for that person, you aren't doing things that feel unhealthy and uncomfortable for you!  Unfortunately, this might mean the loss of some relationships, which can be frightening.  Other people don't necessarily like it when we change-- so they may get angry or upset because you are changing how you relate to them.  As you work on loving yourself more, however, you will see that peace unfold in your life.

Realize that in order for a relationship to work, it must be between partners who share similar values, interests and goals.  If someone has a belief system or a value system that doesn't match yours, you will struggle.  And sometimes, people try to change their own value system to match another person's, which rarely works!  For example, if you place a strong value on honesty, but are in a relationship with someone who is consistently dishonest with others or keeps secrets, you aren't loving yourself to allow this kind of behavior in your life. 

Whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, each person in that relationship must be capable to have healthy intimacy for it to work out.  Sometimes, we try to change other people to get our own needs met, so realizing that someone else might not be capable of what you are asking for, is important.  This can help you let go of changing them and work on changing yourself and your expectations instead.  Remember, you are worthy of the best that life has to offer!

Joleen Watson, MS, LMFTA, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.