Do You Have a "Damaged Love Style"? The Secure Connector

This week, Imagine Hope is discussing how our love styles can impact us in our relationships later in life.  Based on the book "How We Love" by Milan and Kay Yerkovich, today we will discuss the love style of The Secure Connector. The Secure Connector is comfortable with a reciprocal relationship-- giving and receiving love in your marriage, and have balance in both.  If you are a secure connector, you can describe strengths and weaknesses in yourself and others without idealizing or devaluing.  You are good at self-reflection and know what is inside you, which makes it easy to clearly communicate your feelings and needs.  Resolving conflict was modeled for you growing up, so in your marriage it is natural for you to address problems, accept advice, seek alternative perspectives, and negotiate and compromise to resolve problems.  You know you are not perfect and can apologize when you are wrong.  You can also set boundaries and say "no".  You are comfortable with new situations, can take risks, and delay gratification.  When upset, you go to your mate for help and comfort.  You may have some of these qualities and need to improve on some of the others. 

If you find that some of these qualities are present, continue to work on them and help your relationship feel safe and secure for both you and your partner.  If you recognize that some of the qualities are difficult for you, set a goal today and pick one of the areas listed above in which you would like to make progress.

We hope you have found this week's blog helpful!  Thank you for reading, as always and be sure to check back with us next week, when we'll be discussing different symptoms of Codependency.

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.