It's common to get busy/distracted/upset and lose sight of our roles in marriage. If this week's blog helps even one person, it was well worth writing it! Hopefully it helps us re-center and focus back on our marriage partner.
Withdrawing Physical Touch & Sex
In our counseling practice, we know that if a sexual relationship is suffering between a married couple, it's not about the sex....it's much deeper. Therefore, focusing on having more sex won't be the answer.
We know that deeper issues drive the desire to withdraw sexually. Lack of communication, lack of trust, insecurity, & other hurts contribute to sexual withdrawal.
Sex starts in a woman's heart. If a woman's feelings get hurt, if she's feeling unheard or neglected, this takes away her desire to be sexually intimate. Men tend to connect after sex. This is when they feel more connected and a sense of intimacy.
If you're feeling the desire to withdraw physical touch or pull away sexually, we encourage the verbal expression of any hurts that may be fueling the desire to withdrawal. Hopefully through effective communication, your hurts can be addressed and the marriage's need for physical touch can be met as well.
We understand that there are certain situations in which abuse may occur and sexual boundaries may be crossed. This blog is not intended to address those particular circumstances.
Feeling Unappreciated for His Financial Role/Work Role
We understand that in today's culture, both partners in the marriage may work outside of the home. Therefore, both partners need to be appreciated for the hard work and financial accountability they provide the family.
Stereotypically, this role is placed on the male. And stereotypically we place other roles on females (more about that next week).
Even though it is a cultural expectation for men to provide for our families (and this in itself is not a bad expectation), men deserve praise and thanks for this. Anyone doing hard work needs praise and thanks for the job they are doing.....whether it's their role/job/expected of them or not.
Imagine the changes you would see in your man if he heard consistently: Thank you for working so hard for me/us/our family. Thank you for the sacrifices you make to provide for us. I value and appreciate the hard work you put in for all of us.
These are just a few examples that can help marriages. Please keep reading this week as we go over a few more.
Written by: Tamara Portee MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.