Hopefully Teri and Tamara have given you some understanding into internal boundaries and you are recognizing a better way to talk with people. Today we are offering more healthy ways to listen in your relationships. This is equally important. Listening: 1.Set your external boundary in order feel more comfortable as you are listening. Like Teri said earlier, set your physical space so you feel comfortable. It is difficult to listen to someone if they are in your personal space because you are focusing on them being in your space!
2. Remind yourself not to take the blame. The person is simply just stating what they are thinking/feeling. It's easy for our shame to take over and us to feel defensive. Try not to take the blame.
3. Remind yourself that you are listening to find out who the other person is, not to think of what you are going to say back to them. This is VERY important! We teach this in our couples session with every couple! Do not try to think of what you are going to say while they are talking! You are not really listening!
4. Remind yourself to regulate your emotions as you listen (take deep breaths). This will help you hear what the other person is actually saying.
5. Remind yourself that you are protecting yourself as you listen by determining if what is being said is "true", "not true", "questionable", or a boundary violation.
Tomorrow Joleen will continue the listening techniques for internal boundaries. Thank you for reading and have a blessed week!
Adapted from Pia Melody's "The Intimacy Factor"
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.