Communication Using an Internal Boundary 2

 I know I generally start Tuesday's blog saying "If you haven't read Monday's blog, go back and start there". Well, today isn't any different! This week we're discussing great tips on communication taken from Pia Mellody's book The Intimacy Factor, & yesterday Teri went over a great introduction describing internal boundaries, along with 4 great communication tips. Here are 5 more communication tips for TALKING:

5. State what happened or what you want to share without using words that are demeaning (report sensory input). For example, say what you saw &/or heard: "You play the music loud."
 6. State what you believe or made up about what you stated in Rule 5. This is where you share your thoughts about why you believe the person did what they did in #5. "What I made up in my mind was that you did not care about my comfort."
7. State how you feel or made yourself feel regarding what you said in Rule 6. In other words share your feelings."And I made myself feel angry and I felt shame."
8. State what you did regarding your thoughts (stated in Rule 5) and your feelings (stated in Rule 6): "And I decided to talk to you about the way you handle the music and the way I felt".
9. State how you would prefer things to be, if appropriate. If negotiation is required, start the process as follows: Identify the problem; propose various solutions; choose a solution; and put the solution into action. Evaluate the results to see if further negotiation is necessary.
Realize that it is easier for someone to be less defensive as a listener if you use the phrases "made up about that" and "made myself feel about that", than if you were to say "you, you, you". Notice the difference?". We hope if you try these talking techniques you start seeing differences in the way the people in your life respond back. Please check back in as Natalie & Joleen go over LISTENING tips on Thursday & Friday. Thanks for reading!
*Material taken from Pia Mellody's book The Intimacy Factor.

 

Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC

*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling  at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.