Isn't it interesting to see the Roadblocks to a Healthy Sex Life? I think oftentimes it is easy to know we are struggling in our sex life but to not really know why. Hopefully this week is showing some things that might be hindering you and your partner from having the sexual relationship that it was intended to be. Here are more roadblocks: Seeing sex as a duty It can become very easy, especially as women, to see sex as a duty or another item to be checked off our list. This is usually because so many demands have been added to our plate over the past few decades and very little has been taken away. We are working, still running a household, raising children, and trying to have a healthy marriage. Unfortunately, because a woman's body is wired differently than a man's body, sex is usually not a priority for us. So it can be seen as a duty. Then it can become like most duties, where we hurry up to get it done to check it off the list to move on to the next thing. It is important if sex has become a duty for you, that you refocus what sex means to you. What kind of a connection can it create? What does it mean to your partner? How can you actually enjoy it and get into it? Don't let it become a duty.
Sexual Abuse Unfortunately, sexual abuse can give us distorted views of sex. If someone is molested as a child, they may not view sex as a loving, wonderful act. They may associate it with pain, control, disgust, or many other negative things. It is important to get help for this. Your thinking around sex can actually change but rarely will it happen without quality help and going thru the steps needed to heal yourself.
Mistaken view of sex Many people were taught that sex is dirty, perverted, or "naughty". Unfortunately, many well-meaning parents teach that sex is wrong outside of marriage but forget to teach how wonderful it can be in marriage! The message that is sent is that it is all bad. Many people have a hard time making that shift from sex being something they should have shame for into something loving and pure. Many women were sent messages such as "good girls don't". But we aren't sent the messages about when "good girls do"! Many men are taught that to think about sex and to want it means they are perverted. But they are not taught when it is appropriate to have those needs met and to not feel perverted.
It is important with any of these roadblocks, to remember how powerful your thinking can be. You can change your thinking to let down the roadblocks.
Tomorrow Joleen will share our last roadblocks. Thank you for your time this week.
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.