Today we will finish up with Pia Melody's Relationship Maxims from her book: The Intimacy Factor. These maxim's offer great insight into healthy relationships-- and they are great reminders of how to we can operate in our day to day lives that nurture our relationships with others. 19. "I don't need your help to have boundaries". We are all responsible for our own boundaries with others. The protect both people in the relationship. As Pia Melody states: "(They protect) me from your perception of me-- no matter how hostile-- and you from my anger".
20. If we don't esteem ourselves, we can't believe another can love or esteem us. If we believe we are worthless, no one will be able to convince us that we ARE loveable and worthy, because what someone else is telling us would conflict with our core belief about the bad stuff we feel about ourselves.
21. Nothing in a relationship is improved by marriage. As Pia Melody states, "Marriage tends to intensify problems. Marriage is about committing to a person and a relationship. It is not about improving things". That's why it's so important to work on our own issues prior to marriage-- or to see marital problems as individual problems, as well. Marriage is improved by work on ourselves, and is improved by a relationship.
22. There is no such thing as an illegitimate child. The circumstances under which a child was conceived might be debatable but never the value of a child.
23. Much of recovery is acceptance. We have all probably heard of the "Serenity Prayer"... "...God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....". As Pia Melody states, we rarely get our way entirely, but we do get enough to be comfortable. Acceptance of this is an important part of healthy relationships with others.
24. Comfort is not the average between extremes. If we live in extremes (e.g., "good or bad", "right or wrong", "all or nothing", "always or never"), or living in extremes with our core issues destroys our ability to have healthy relationships. In therapy we talk about being "centered". Part of being centered means moving towards the middle ground or the grey area in life.
I hope you have enjoyed our blog this week and have found some of these maxims to be helpful in your own life. Stay tuned for next weeks blog topic: Positive Parenting-- Roles for parents of teens.
Today's blog was quoted directly or indirectly from Pia Melody's book: The Intimacy Factor, p. 140-141.
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.