"I LOVE him and CAN'T live without him." "I would just DIE without her."
"You complete me."
"I NEED you."
"I am NOTHING without you."
Teri and Tamara did an excellent job of describing the Family Hero and the Scapegoat in our families. I want to discuss with you the role in the family that typically gets "lost", The Lost Child. The Lost Child is usually shy and quiet. They prefer solitude and often have fantasy lives as children.
As we continue to discuss Addictions this week, it is important to identify Relationship Addictions. We see this a lot at Imagine Hope. Again, it is one of the Addictions that is hard to recognize if you don't understand what it is. It is "acceptable". You've heard people say, and there was even a song written about it, "They are just addicted to love". This can actually happen.
Teri and Tammy have discussed both toxic secrets and healthy secrets, but how do each of them impact our relationships with others? Toxic Secrets:
Create an unsafe relationship which makes intimacy difficult, if not impossible, to have
Create distance between the secret keeper and the one who is kept in the dark
You might be surprised to know that there are secrets that are indeed "healthy". Support4Change.com gives a great rule of thumb. They say: "Healthy Secrets bring you closer to your loved ones, while toxic secrets create barriers". Healthy secrets build relationships & create a sense of closeness between you and another person. So, what exactly are some examples of a Healthy Secret? Here are some below:
This week we are talking about secrets! Secrets come in many forms. There are healthy secrets, but also toxic ones. What is the difference? A toxic secret is one that will block you from intimacy and puts walls between you and your loved one. Support4change.com says, toxic secrets “hide a part of your heart, disguise your vulnerability which denies a gift to your loved one, or prevents your loved one from supporting you.”
Many couples begin their dating relationship full of dreams for their future, but once the marriage has become comfortable, they stop dreaming about things to come in the future.
To create more sparks in your marriage, you need to have something to look forward to-- what better way to do this than to dream!
You've heard the saying, "The grass grows where it's watered". As with grass and plants, so it is in our relationships. The more effort and time you give to it, the more it will grow and weather life's challenges. That's why I love this weeks topic. It's not just about sex, it's about keeping the relationship ALIVE!
The most important part of seduction is to communicate your desires to your partner. In addition, you need to allow your partner to communicate their desires to you as well. Oftentimes, our sex life becomes lazy the longer we are with our partner. You need to relay to your partner that you still want to please them, in order to avoid a rut. When you do find yourselves in a sexual rut, it’s often because life gets in the way. We have careers, children, bills to pay, a house to clean, etc. Sometimes these things can drain our energy during the day, and we don’t have the energy to “perform” in bed at night. However, when you have sex with spark, it is not an energy drain, but an energy boost!
Stop having the same sex! Seduce your partner, spice up your sex life. Try something or someplace new. Take it out of the bedroom or incorporate a new position, lingerie, or novelty. Try to recreate the sex that you had when you were first together.
Remember what turns your partner on-and do it! Make them feel desired and appreciated. Stop wearing that old nightgown or ripped T-shirt to bed. Put on something seductive and see what happens. Massage your partner’s back or neck. Put on a new perfume/cologne or light some sensual candles. Turn on some music and let it guide you.
Have sex at least twice a week. Make it a priority! When you put the time into it to make it more rewarding, it doesn’t feel like a chore. The key is to seduce your partner, not service them! Explore and communicate your own desires, and be enthusiastic to make your partner feel good. But most of all, have a blast!
Written by guest author Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy is a licensed therapist at Journey to Joy Counseling in Carmel, Indiana. She specializes in Individual Counseling, Couples/Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Family Counseling, and Teen/Adolescent Counseling.
Ever receive a small gift or thank-you note unexpectedly? Remember how special it felt to receive it? The same applies in marriage too. Let your spouse know you're thinking of them when you're apart. Figure out your mate's love language and run with it! If your spouse is someone whose love language is Verbal Affirmations, then send positive, loving texts to them throughout the day,
It's 4th of July week, so fireworks are Imagine Hope's focus! Fireworks in your marriage that is ;)
The beginning of relationships can feel like fireworks. The passion, the desire to see them and talk to them, and the drug like euphoria are all common parts of the enmeshment phase of a relationship.
Chances are, you probably know someone who has either been recently diagnosed with a form of cancer, or has been in a long struggle with cancer. Unfortunately, cancer is on the rise, and as the loved ones of cancer patients, we don't know how to handle or support those who have been diagnosed. This weeks blog is focused on ways to support someone with cancer. So, what can you do?
As we've discussed this week, being diagnosed with cancer is a life-changing experience. There are so many emotions involved. Many times a person diagnosed with cancer will feel overwhelmed about many different things. There are so many things to think about that you aren't normally faced with in the day to day. Hopefully this week you are finding ways to help a friend or family member who is battling cancer.
Unfortunately we are all impacted by cancer. If you aren’t diagnosed with cancer in your lifetime, there is a very high probability someone you care about will be. The cancer diagnosis can be a very scary and overwhelming journey. Friends and family often have good intentions but may not know how to help.
This week we are sharing our own top 3 communication mistakes we see people make that destroy their relationships. When you spend several hours a week listening to couples struggle with communication, luckily you learn a lot of what NOT to do. These are 3 that I see very routinely. The good news is, once people are able to see themselves do them, they are able to change their communication and make a lasting impact on their relationships.