Do you hear what I hear?

I am amazed as I work with couples in marriage counseling how our perceptions can be so different than reality. I often hear one partner say something to their partner that their partner hears COMPLETELY different than what was said. What we hear comes with so much baggage. What is said goes thru a filter, based on our experiences, and is translated in our minds to mean something that is sometimes different than what was said.  I see it often and it happens often. 

You don't want to get in the habit of constantly second guessing everything you feel your partner said, but it is healthy when emotions are high and you are having a lot of feelings come up, to simply mirror what you heard your partner say. That way your partner has a chance to tell you if what you heard is what they meant. Try to do it in a non-defensive way. This is an excellent way to keep yourself in check.  Have your partner do the same for you, too.